Musings in Preparation of the End of the Year

It's definitely been a good year, overall, I'd say. Ups and downs, for sure. The graph of my year would have many rolling hills and deep valleys, but that's how life is, I'd say. No part of life can be perfect, utterly void of anything negative. Life is never all dancing, pastel-colored ponies and shimmering rainbows. There are always going to be bad times, what determines "good" or "bad" is what you make of it.

And the bad times are how we grow. When we have nothing left but Jesus, we have to rely fully on Him. And that's when we finally, fully realize how much we truly relied on Him all along. He's always there for us, great strong arms open wide, warm, comforting, and inviting. He leads us, guides us, loves us, and often rebukes us. He's stern, powerful, and fearful, but at the same time...equally beautiful, loving, merciful, and so, so kind. He's perfect.

I've learned so much about relying on Him, and really trusting Him with my entire life this past year. I have such a long way to go, though. I'll never fully know him. I'll never be a perfect servant or perfect at loving others. I'll never be sinless. But that doesn't mean I won't try!

Jesus is my rock, my fortress, my strength. He gives me my desire to live a life that is full and utterly beautiful. Not full as the world sees it, but a full life by God's definition. A life totally dedicated to Him. I guess that's my New Year's Resolution...to continue on my path of desiring to live a life full of Jesus. To keep giving my life over to Him. To keep serving and loving, but far more than I've done in the past. To devote my life to others, always putting their interests before my own.

I have such a long way to go. I get so frustrated with myself, how easily my circumstances dictate my mood, how often I take my frustrations and upsetments, disappointments and angers out on others, how I spend so much time focused on me, me, me. But God is slowly helping me. Though I'm sure these will be struggles my whole life through, I know I'll never stop growing and changing, more and more, from the person I am to the person I'm meant to be, and Jesus will be there, holding my hand every step of the way.