You know that one scene in 500 Days of Summer where Tom's expectations of the situation are played on a split screen beside reality (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKDj7DJZMnI)? That's a bit what I feel being home is like. Reality isn't that different from reality, but different enough to change the mood entirely.
Being home was like this perfect event in my mind. It was happy, stress-free, and full of a perfect, loving family. Reality was still happy, but slightly less so, speckled with arguments, negativity, poor behavior, sickness, and some raised voices. Sometimes, reality kinda sucks a little, especially when it doesn't live up to high expectations.
I've realized how much I idealize my family in my mind when I'm away from them. I forget about the normal family arguments and sibling disagreements. This has happened basically every time I've come home, yet I always seems to forget it by the next time I come back. Problematic. The result is me being embarrassingly grumpy and irritable. I really hate to admit that this happens. I can't deal with all the silly arguments that are absolutely unnecessary and could easily be solved with a few simple words and no raised voices, so somehow my logical solution is to get frustrated and raise my voice to tell everyone to stop! Yeah, probably not gonna help. And I know it, but for some reason, no matter how many times I tell myself I won't, when the situation arises, my voice clamors in, arguing with the rest.
As Andrew Stern at New City says, "more mercy!" So, so true. Really, the only solution here is Jesus. Trusting Him, remembering and knowing that He is good and loving. He'll always be there, no matter the circumstance. Reality will almost never meet up with reality, unless we have rather low expectations. Life is just to full of unknowns and unexpected curveballs. Like pneumonia, wasn't expecting that to hit again. Life can't only be happy when it's going perfectly according to plan, because plans change.
I was just thinking about that today, plans changing that is, in relation to the Christmas story. I mean Mary and Joseph probably had a pretty basic life plan laid out...get married, have kids, raise kids, do carpentry, cook and clean house, etc. Mary's pregnancy with Jesus threw that plan off just a tiny bit! As much as I'm sure they were both absolutely thrilled to be the mother and sorta-father of Jesus, I would imagine they both had a little bit of a "oh no, life is going to change SO much now, and I don't know if I really want it to" kinda moment.
I mean, I know I would! As awesome as it would be, I'm not really sure I would want to be in Mary's shoes. On the one hand it would be so cool to be picked by God to be the mother of His son. But at the same time, being a pregnant teenager, who appears to be pregnant out of wedlock, of a child who will only ever be sort-of yours, is God, and is going to die for everyone's sins at some point, would be a rather stressful turn of events. Not...convenient, I guess that would be the word. But such an honor at the same time. Confusing, I know.
Really what I'm trying to say is that God's plans often don't seem to go along with our own. But the thing is, it's His plan, which means that it is good and awesome and divine. Sometimes we have a timeline of life events laid out, all ready to enact as the years come by. Then God does something, and the entire 10-year-plan is scattered to pieces, barely re-constructable. We scurry to try and pick up the pieces and lay them back out in a sort-of distinguishable line after God's little detour is done with, but God softly puts a hand on ours, stops us from picking up the pieces, and says "no, I have better things planned. It's going to be hard, but I'm going to be there with you every step of the way. My plan is better than anything you could ever have imagined for yourself, even if it is completely different than what you initially planned. So put down the pieces, and follow My path." And even though it is hard, and sometimes it does suck, and all the dreams and plans and thoughts you had all organized before you are done with...it is better. So maybe sometimes reality is better than expectations, in the end. 
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