Monday, November 15, 2010

Imminent Ends

It's finals week. Technically I should have shut down my Facebook, blocked Twitter, and avoided blogging. That's just not my style, I guess! I'm sitting at work and should be studying. I've been pouring over Russian notes and Analytical Inquiry (computer coding class) notes for the past few hours, and I'm getting burnt-out. So, I decided to spend a little more quality time with my dear friend, the internet.

Finals are intense. We're all tired and stressed and anxious and relieved. It's hard to have such mixed emotions! There's, obviously, a lot of stress about the tests and final papers themselves. So much of our grades, usually 20-40%, are based on that final paper or test! It's an intense amount of pressure to do really well. I have a Russian oral exam on Wednesday that I'm not looking forward to. It probably won't totally brutal, but it's gonna be hard. We have to make up a story pretty much on the spot with a partner. The second part of the test involves either accusing someone of being a lazy-do-nothing or hooligan, or defending yourself and protesting being such a person. Then Thursday is the cram-all-the-notes-you've-ever-taken-into-your-head-at-once day. Finals themselves are Friday. I have a two hour coding test and then a two hour Russian final. Eek!

These tests are starting to stress me out, if I think about them too much. Having so much on your mind and so much importance placed on succeeding is intense. It also provides a great opportunity to trust. And trusting can be hard. At a certain point I have to let go. I have to come to the realization that no matter how long and hard I study, I can never do better than my best. All I can do is work hard, study, not slack off, and give my all when I take the test. I have to leave a lot of it in God's hands. He knows that I have to get good grades to keep my scholarships, and He knows how hard I'm working. So I have to rely on Him to provide, give me the strength to keep studying, and survive my first finals in college.

This week has more endings than just the finishing of school. It also means going home, back to St. Louis. Now don't get me wrong, I love my family and can't wait to see them, but I'm still super sad about leaving behind the many new friends I have made here. Also, there are rules at home. I'm not really the rebellious rule-breaking type, but going from being absolutely in control of my life to being under the jurisdiction of parents again, it's just gonna take some getting used to. As great as not having class for six weeks and being with my family again will (hopefully) be, I feel like I can't wait until Winter quarter arrives so I can be here, at DU, in Colorado again. It's just another area I really have to trust God in. He's always there for me, and even though being away from my new friends and family at DU will be, my very bestest friend will always be with me, and He'll never change or leave.

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