Day 17 - Musical chairs.

Jesus encourages us to make every effort - Luke 13:22-30

This passage is a hard one. It goes for the gut with the teaching that not everyone will make it to heaven. While I believe this, I think the difficult thing to understand/figure out is how this is decided. Does God choose some and not others? Do we choose? How is God merciful and still allows people to go to hell? Is there hell? Is there heaven? Are they real places or mere concepts? I don't really know, but I believe there is a real, physical heaven, and that hell is being away from God. And I believe that humans choose to reject God, that God gave us free will and with that we can choose to hear His voice and follow Him, or we can live for ourselves and lean on our own understanding. But these things can't really be understood fully by our small human brains and with our human perceptions, so I truly believe the important thing is to rely on what we know - that God is Good and God is Love and God is Grace.

But that's just me...

Questions&Answers:

-It's clear there are some who thought they were in [heaven] but ended up being out [of heaven]. What do you think happened?

I told you this was a hard day! 
Hmmmm. I think that many think they're "in" because they follow the rituals, because they live Christianity as a religion - rules and regulations - rather than a lifestyle - repentance, grace, love, and serving. I think many pretend to live lives for Christ, but in reality they're just doing the bare minimum to "guarantee heaven" and be as comfortable as they want. To live the American Dream and give money to missionaries so they've "done something for Christ" but don't have to go and sacrifice their lives themselves. I think people go to church and take communion and say, "I believe in Jesus," expecting that to be the gospel. And that's part of it - fellowship, taking part in Christ's sacrifice, believing His love and gift to us - but that's not all. Loving Jesus means living for Jesus, it means giving up everything and following Him. It's a relationship, not a religion. Religion doesn't save us, the blood of Jesus Christ washing away our sins does, and our response to that sacrifice does as well. 

-How does your heart respond to this teaching of Jesus?

It's hard to hear. It's hard because I have so many friends and family who don't know Jesus, who refuse to see the love poured out for them, who won't stop making excuses and living selfishly. It's hard because I want them all to know Jesus, and I want them all to go to heaven. I don't want them to spend eternity alone and suffering and miserable, away from the most beautiful, joyful, perfect love they could ever imagine. It's hard to hear. But it's also inspiring. It reminds me why I'm no this earth - to share Jesus' love with others, to tell them, so they can live for Him too. 

-Salvation is by grace alone and received by faith. There's nothing you can do to earn it. You simply receive it as a free gift. When do you think this happened in your life? When did you accept this gift of salvation? 

When one day, after spending a period of time convinced God cared nothing for me because "my life sucked" (by teenage-girl standards), I was at church singing "Friend of God," desperately craving unconditional love, and suddenly realized that someone did love me that much, that Jesus loved me that much, even though I am nothing. And it's obviously far more complex than that, but that's a nutshell of the moment without the events leading up to or aftermath. But suffice to say, it's been an epic adventure ever since. Hard, many struggles, so much learning and growing, and so utterly worth it and amazing. 


-Why do you think these skeptics were hesitant to place their faith in Jesus?


Because they wanted backup plans, they wanted a "Plan B." They weren't willing to place everything on Jesus because that meant relinquishing control, and we never want to give up control of our lives. It's easy to climb the mountain, as long as we have ropes holding us up, or go skydiving...in an indoor simulator. It's easy to give God the 5-year-plan while keeping the masterplan safely in our back pockets. Not to mention, Jesus promises it will be really stinkin hard to live for Him. He promises trials, hardships, pain. He promises we'll be hated, looked down on, scoffed and scorned. He promises it will be so worth it, He promises that these things are for our good and ultimately, His glory. But for some, that isn't enough, and placing full faith in God with the knowledge that when you give up your life to Him He could do anything with it, is scary, and for some, too scary. 


-"I never knew you," is a scary statement. What's your heart's response to that? Why?


Utter terror, to be completely honest. That's my first, irrational thought. I know in my heart that I am redeemed, bought with a price, saved by grace, through faith, not by works so no man can boast. I truly, absolutely, utterly believe that. But as with my last blog post about trusting for provision, sometimes it is still scary in "real life." I hate disappointing people, I hate failing people, and my greatest fear (no matter how unrealistic it may be) is not spiders, snakes, or other creepy bugs, it's disappointing God. So my heart leaps with fear at the first thought of that, but then rationally dissects who Jesus is and how much He freely loves me, and I know that I won't hear that when I get to heaven, I know it. 


-Jesus is the ultimate authority in heaven and is worthy of praise. In what ways do you see yourself as "first" or "last"? How might you ask God to help you have the right perspective in this area? 


I'd like to say I think of myself as "last" all the time, but that would be a bit of a falsehood. My pride gets in the way. I'm pretty sure somewhere in the Bible it says pride is the root of all evil (correct me if I'm wrong), and that is so true in my life. So I'm praying to see myself as last, but too often I see myself as a bit closer to first. Jesus is definitely first, but I like to think I"m nearer to second than last wayyyy too often. Jesus is working on me, though :) 


-What do we understand about Jesus here?


He's still good, He's still just, He's merciful, and loving. He's a good God all the time, even if we can't quite understand how that goodness manifests itself. When it comes to who will go to heaven and who won't, it's hard, but I know God is good, and therefore everything He does must be good.

Waiting for a Bus

Sometimes it's difficult to trust. Like when you know the bus will come, it says so on the schedule, but there's that part of you terrified it won't and you'll be late for the important meeting you absolutely cannot miss. I trust God to provide for my needs completely. 100%, my life is in His hands. But sometimes it's still hard, it's still stressful during that waiting process. Knowing God will provide, but not sure how He will.

Day 16 - Why worry?

You're much more valuable than birds - Luke 12:1-34

I love Matthew's version of this teaching (it inspired my tattoo) and love reading a slightly different take on it (ravens instead of sparrows later in the passage, etc). It's really cool to see how the four gospels work together, weaving a slightly different story along the same time-line, showing different aspects and attributes of Jesus from their different perspectives, personal experiences, and walks of life. It's quite beautiful.

This is a really wonderful passage that should be read so much more often. It's just such a good reminder - Jesus gots this! He knows what's up, and He's in control.

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

"When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say." 

"Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions."

"For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!"

"And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.  For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them.  But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well."

   
"Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. " 

The point is, Jesus cares for us, Jesus loves us, and Jesus will provide for us. 

"Jesus is a genius. He doesn't just tell us not to worry, but leads us to change our focus and priorities. And this, as it happens, is the cure for worry." 

It means not worries...for the rest of our days. It's a problem free, philosophy...hakuna matata! (except, really I mean Jesus) 

Diggin' Deeperrrr. 

-What anxious thoughts, worries, or nightmares keep you awake at night? What sins in your life or doubts about God or decisions that you've made are affecting your ability to trust God?

Recently a friend I desperately want to know Jesus' love and am terrified never will. A friend I'm terrified won't stop self-harming, terrified one day they'll go too far. Terrified they'll never believe they're loved, never believe they're worth it, terrified that I'll fail in showing that love and care. But last time I literally couldn't sleep because of these fears (a few days ago), God reminded me that it's out of my hands. All I can do is my best and trust Him with the rest. And maybe I've been doubting that God can, or rather that He will. I really do believe God's ability to do anything, but sometimes I struggle with believing that He will. 

-Jesus calls us his "little flock." What do you think He was trying to convey to us by this?

He's our shepherd, our father, He cares for us as one cares for their children. I think this verse just goes to further illustrate how deeply Jesus cares for us, how He doesn't want anything bad for us, How He works all things together for our good, even if we can't see or understand it at the moment, the end is good. Psalm 100 says, "It is he who made us, and we are his we are his people, the sheep of his pasture." 

-We are called to run after different priorities than the world does. Are the priorities in your life causing you rest or anxiety? 

I don't think school will ever truly be restful, but I think it's possible to relinquish control and worry about grades and assignments to Jesus and feel peace. And with Jesus' help I've been able to, for the most part, do that. Periodically the growing mound of things-to-do before summer looks just a bit too high, but Jesus has been helping me to look at it, give it to Him, do what I can do and leave the rest up to Him. 
I'm not sure if I'm fully finding rest in anything right now, though. Which isn't something I'd even realized until now. So I definitely need to be praying about that, not just relinquishing my desire for control over everything, my stress over school or work, and actually find rest. 
Though I have found rest in the knowledge that Jesus is in control, and that no matter what happens, my life is in His hands. 

-How quickly do you draw near to God in moments of doubt and worry?

Quicker than I used to, but still not quick enough. My first reaction in many trials is still to call my mom or tell a friend, my first go-to should be Jesus, placing worries and doubts on His shoulders, because He takes our burdens from us, freeing us. Often, too, it depends on the doubt or worry. I'm quicker to depend on Him in moments of doubt about money or jobs, college, grades, the like, and slower to hand over my fears about friends and family. So much growing to do!

-The heart moves toward whatever is most valuable to it. What is your heart moving toward? Why?

Right now my heart is really moved towards helping and loving people, as well as seeking justice for the oppressed. That is just what I feel passionate about, I cant' really pinpoint a specific moment or reason, except Jesus giving me a desire to further His kingdom and do His work. The plight of the unloved, the orphan, the slave, cry out to me, and I cry with them. I just want to help, I just want people to know they are loved and to be free from bondage, whether it be mental or physical bondage. 

-You might be worried right now. If so, what might God be asking you to do about that?

Give it up, trust. Just hold my hands open with all my fears and worries and relinquish them into the wind of His power and grace. 

-What do we understand about Jesus here?

He's beyond awesome. He's just so incredible. He made this beautiful world, and cares about each and every part of it. The lillies, ravens, sparrows, and us. His handiwork is so clear in the simple things of the world, how much He loves them, and how much more He loves us. That's an amazing amount of love. We needn't worry about a thing, because we have a father who cares for us more than we could ever comprehend. Our needs are accounted for, He will not let us go. He works for our good, not what we perceive to be good, but what is truly good for us, and we can trust Him to do that because He is the all-knowing, all-powerful God of everything. He is good, His plans are good, and His love is great.

Confession

So I'm halfway through this study of Luke. I've actually remembered/managed to post every day (knock on wood), and I guess I've been a bit proud of myself for that.

But what I realized is that it's super easy for it to be a motion. I've felt weirdly out-of-it for the past day or so, totally unsure why my previous feelings of just total joy at Jesus' awesomeness had mysteriously and suddenly waned. Looking back, there was nothing different, nothing had happened, and I was spending time with Jesus every day.

Then I realized that maybe my "time with Jesus" wasn't as much with Jesus as I'd realized. Getting rushed with homework assignments, meetings, and deadlines, I think I've just been going through the motions for the past few days. Quickly reading Luke and answering questions, failing to really pray through what I'm reading about, contemplate the words as they pertain to my life in Christ, grow, and learn.

So that's my confession. I've been going through the motions, not heartfelt and meaningful, failing to actually walk with Jesus and trust Him in everything, instead just answering questions. Like when you turn in the assignments to get an "A" in class, but don't actually learn anything. You pass, but you don't grow.

An Ode to Bare Feet

I want to skip

Bare footed 

Through the soft, new grass

Gently tickling

I want to feel

Cool blades 

Against eager soles of shoe-

Less feet

I want the damp

Of dew-

Filled earth whetting and caressing

Dry toes

I want this freedom

No cares

Frolicking dreamily through the grass

This day

Day 15 - Whose prayer is it?

"When you pray, say..." - Luke 11:1-13

"Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come. Give us each day our daily bread. Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us. And lead us not into temptation." 

That's how the gospel of Luke has the Lord's Prayer. Matthew's account has a bit more to it, it's the one I'm familiar with:

"Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one."

Prayer is incredibly important and insanely powerful. Think about it - we aren't just mumbling jumbled words in our head, we are talking to God. How awesome is that? There are billions of human beings on this planet, and God takes the time to listen to each and every single one of us. We are given the privilege of a personal, close, direct connection with our Lord and King. That's incredible. Not many other religions can say the same. We're that important to God. He's high, mighty, powerful, and awe-inspiring, yet He is also personal, caring, and cares for each of us individually. Wow. 

It's easy to get caught up in prayer becoming routine, just throwing a few words upwards and hoping they make it through pollution and clouds to that faraway place we sometimes vaguely refer to as "heaven." That sort of prayer is powerless. But that is not how we are to pray. 

Prayer is to be passionate, wholehearted, full of praising God, listening to His words, repenting of our sins, thanking Him - for all He has done for our lives, for His love, His grace, His provision, and asking Him to bless, heal, and continue to provide. Prayer is not a passive thought, it's an action of body, heart, and soul. 

Q&A ... 

-What attributes of the Father lead your thoughts to an attitude of reverence, awe, and wonder?

Primarily just the realization that the omnipotent, omniscient God-of-the-universe loves me. That's beyond incredible. I am so unworthy, yet still He loves me! I have done nothing, will do nothing, and can do nothing to deserve His love, His forgiveness, His grace. And not only does He love me...but He sent His son to die for me. My sins were on Jesus' shoulders, and yet He still looks at me, me who contributed to His unimaginable pain and suffering, and says, "I love you, I want you." 

Holy cow. 

It's just amazing. I don't even have words to describe how amazing, how awesome, how just unbelievable cool and crazy and wonderful it is that someone could, and would, love me that much. 

It gets me excited every time. 

But also, God is just so powerful. Sometimes I think it is easy to skip over that part, that God is the all-powerful God of everything. Isaiah really showed me that last time I read it. How powerful God is, how He can do anything, and has the right to do anything because this is His world, and out of everything, He chose us. 

- How could the kingdom come through you as a group of friends? How has the kingdom of heaven already come?

I'm not entirely sure. But I believe groups like Cru, Younglife, and Passage all play a role in sharing Jesus with DU. And mostly I think just loving people like Jesus loves them is super important. Sacrificing our lives, putting others' interests first. 

-What do you need to eat today? What might be some other things besides food that you need (not want, but really need)?

I have every physical need provided for, and more. And I know I am so blessed for that. God has provided so much for me, I live far more comfortably than so many in the rest of the world. 

Today I needed Jesus, though. I got to a point where I realized I wasn't giving Him my day or my cares and troubles, I was letting Satan tell me lies that I wasn't good enough or necessary to people's lives. And I needed to sit down and take time with Jesus to hash that out. I really needed His comfort, and I really needed His truths spoken into my life. And He provided that :)

-What temptations are present that would draw you away from God?

Kinda what I said above. Satan has been feeding my fears of not making a difference and not being needed. It's tempting to give and feel sorry for myself, or just think about myself way too much instead of focusing on how I can be serving others and being a friend to them. I need to stop thinking about people being my friend and focus on how I can be their friend. That's what I am supposed to do. It's tempting to think about own feelings and put those first, but that's not what God wants me to do. 

-What things can you see coming down the road where you may be tempted to sin or cause others to sin?

I think just kinda the same as I wrote above, and my own tendency to be prideful. Gossiping, too. That's a hard one, and definitely one where I can get sucked in by other people, and bring other people in with my own gossiping. God is working on that in me a lot, it's definitely a hard process. Sometimes, too many sometimes, I ignore His voice in my head telling me not to talk about or say something, and I say it anyways, because I want to, I justify it in my mind. That's wrong. And I know that, and I know that tendency. Slowly, God is shaping and changing me to stop, to not say those things, to love everyone and treat everyone as a child of God. 

 

Early Worth

Life's about finding beauty in the simple, joy in the pain, good in the bad. Like this morning. Granted, I was up at 5:45 a.m. and far earlier than I would have liked, but if it weren't for that, I wouldn't have gotten to see the sunrise or experience the peaceful cool of morning quiet.

The world was bathed in soft pastel light. Off in the distance light of dawning sun, pale orange like cool sherbert "ice cream," sweet and tangy. Gently melting into hues of pink, the streaks of color smoothed like colored charcoals across the sky, blending together and slowly fading into the lightest of purples before turning into the pale, pale blue of a new day.

Birds quietly chirped in the perfectly cool, still slightly damp with dew morning air. Their song startling the silence into day. The smell of damp earth, that perfect rainy scent still lingering. Fresh and full of life, promises and hopes, not yet tainted by harsh sounds or negativity.

Tiny white petals littering the ground, like spring's snowfall, the smell of spring and growth emanating from their crushed petals.

Peace, growth, hope, quiet, life.

Early mornings.

So worth it.