Be Still

There are about seven billion people in the world.

About half of these individuals live in poverty.

There are around 50 million orphans, and an estimated 27 million slaves.

There is so much brokenness, so much need. It's overwhelming.

I've been reading a lot recently, maybe too much. I read No Longer A Slumdog a few weeks ago (you can go to their website to get a FREE copy of the book). It's filled with stories of tragedy, loss, and abuse, the lives of people in various parts of Asia and the hardships they face. It is also a book filled with the hope and redemption that comes through Jesus Christ's saving Love.

As I was sitting on my bed reading, I couldn't help but cry. Partially my tears were sorrow for the brokenness in the world and the hardships so many around the world face, my heart was breaking for all the people who don't know Jesus, who don't know love, who live in the midst of so much abuse and so much hurt.

And my heart was breaking because I simply did not know what I could possibly do.

I could give more money, I could support more children, I could go to Asia, I could tell people about the issues there and inspire them to go, I could write, I could use my art to raise awareness and funds, I could share this book with people so they could know, I could keep praying, I could write articles, there were so many little things, so many things, but nothing could fix it.

All I wanted, all I want, is to fix it.

I don't want little girls to be used as sex toys. I don't want women to be abused. I don't want kids and adults to work for little or no pay in factories. I don't want infants to die, I don't want people to starve to death, I don't want anyone to be homeless, hungry, or unloved.

And I cried and cried, because I didn't know how to fix it, because the problem is so overwhelming, because there are so many millions of men and women and children desperately in need of salvation - both physically and spiritually - and I couldn't save them all.

"I want to lift them up...I groan within me. How can I help them come out of all this poverty and oppression? That's my burden." -Niran Das

This is how I felt, and still feel. Just so ... overwhelmed.

Then at the beginning of this week my friend, Anna, lent me a beautiful publication by Time magazine about Mother Teresa. It's a spectacular telling of her life's work, and incredibly inspirational. I highly recommend it.

Prior to reading it, I didn't know that much about Mother Teresa. I knew she was a missionary in India who has inspired many to live lives of service to the Lord and to the poor, I knew she was very servant-hearted and dedicated her entire life, I knew she started orphanages and homes for the destitute and dying. Basically I knew she was very important, inspirational, sacrificial, and very in love with Jesus.

I was so humbled reading her story. She was called to go and she went. She dedicated every moment of her life to the poor. She never stopped loving people, she never stopped serving her Jesus. She had such a deep faith and close relationship with God, it was so beautiful to read about.

And she influenced so many people.

She didn't have plans, she just did whatever God wanted her to do. If there wasn't a hospital where there should be one, she got one built. She built hospices, caring for those turned away from hospitals because they were going to die anyways.

She gave up everything, the familiarity of her home, her family, her friends. She moved to a country that was unfamiliar and she didn't just go for a little bit, she went for a lifetime.

She wasn't concerned with making a name for herself, she was simply concerned with loving people, helping the poor and the dying and the destitute, serving Jesus with her whole heart and spirit.

I read it and I thought, "I want to be like her. I want to do that. I want to give my whole heart, my whole self, my whole life and just go."

At Cru last night a team came and talked about mission work, particularly emphasizing God's explicit calling on everyone to go out and spread the gospel, that God wants each and every person who knows Him to share the good news of His love and grace.

I know this, I have known this. I want to go, I want to serve,  I want to do, I want to change lives and love people. But there are so many people to love. There are so many people to serve. There are so many countries and so many people who have never even heard of Jesus, much less know the story of His beautiful love.

And there are so many things I feel God wants me to do. I've wanted to adopt kids since I was a little kid. A few years ago, as I learned about slavery in the world today, I felt my heart pull to help those who have been enslaved. Last year I felt God wanted me to go on staff with Cru (after graduation), a desire He strengthened and affirmed for me during this quarter at DU. And now I know more and more about the poverty around the world, feel my heart breaking for the lost and hopeless. As I learn more about overseas missions opportunities, I start to wonder if I should stay in the US.

Is that selfish? To stay here where it's comfortable? Should I go to a different country? But where should I go? And what about adopting kids? And ending slavery? And doing Cru? Do I go on staff with Cru here? Or go to a different country? When? Where?

So many questions. They were running around my head in wild circles last night. I felt so agitated. There are so many things I could do to help, so many opportunities, so many options, and so many desires I have to serve. But what do I do? When do I do it? How do I know what God really wants?

And I've been begging to know. Saying, God, I don't know how I can help, how I can help fix these problems, God just tell me. I'll do anything. I'll go anywhere. I'll learn a new language and move to a new place and even if I never get to see my family again on this earth and have to leave all my friends it's okay. Whatever you want. Just tell me. Just let me know what you want me to do.

And this morning, God said to just be still. To be where I am, to not worry about the future, but to love people and serve people right here, right now.

See God knows how much I like to plan out the future, so He doesn't tell me what's going to happen. He wants me to just follow along and trust Him. And I know this, but I still work myself into a frenzy and freak out a bit and beg to be told what to do and finally hear God telling me, gently, to be still, to trust Him, and to live in the here and the now instead of beating myself up about the past or trying to run into the future.

There's so little time on this earth, and I have no idea how long I'll even be on it. If I live in the future, wondering what I can and will do five, 10, 15 years from now...I'll miss out on what God can be doing through me right now. I'll miss out on opportunities to love the people who are in my life right now. I'll miss being able to serve, share the gospel now, be the hands and feet of Jesus now.

Because that's the point. To be still and know that He is God. To trust His Holy Name and His Perfect Will and do what He desires. To be open to whatever, wherever, whenever. And if whatever, wherever, and whenever is right here, right now, where I am, that's where I'm to be. And I can serve so much here and when it's time for me to go somewhere else, God will tell me. If He wants me in Africa, India, Russia, South America, or here in the United States, He'll make that clear. When it's time.

And until then, I'm to love and serve people, love and serve my Jesus, and most importantly, trust and be still.