A Cuppa Joe

That's what coffee is sometimes called, right? 

Anyways. 

So I was on my computer this morning, stumbling. Stumbleupon is such a great thing. You find so many cool websites! Every once in awhile, I'll stumble on a religious site. Usually it is affiliated with some area of Christianity. Often times, I automatically jump to the conclusion that it will be a "don't choke on this while I 'lovingly' shove it down your throat" kind of post and often simply hit "stumble" before even reading the article. As I am trying to stop stereotyping everything religious (I've realized that in my attempts to not be the stereotypical Christian, I often become very disliking and judgmental of this "stereotypical" Christian) and give everyone and everything a fair and fighting chance. Also, it was titled "21 Things Jesus Wants Every Sinner to Hear." A lot of times these are more like love letters constructed from Bible passages, and those are just lovely :) So, I read through it. 

Just like the lovely cup of coffee I'm currently drinking, the passages "hit the spot." I've been really out of it and in a weird mood recently. There's confusion with being home and figuring out what and who is defined as "home." It's nice sometimes, but other times it is just chaotic in my mind. And then there are the usual issues with boys, friends, and family that always confused and complicate matters unnecessarily. Nothing out of the ordinary. But recently I've been letting it get to me. I haven't been focusing on Jesus the way I should, and I really haven't been focusing on being like Him, living for Him, loving and serving Him. Those are the things that should take priority in my life, not my silly dramas. 

I've been sitting around feeling sorry for myself and allowing my thinking to go into myself. Wondering why I'm not good enough, what I've done wrong, why so many friend leave. Feeling like it isn't fair, wondering what I did to deserve anything bad that has ever come into my life. And mostly, forgetting that 1. My life is pretty damn great, 2. Jesus loves me, 3. I am not the center of the universe, 4. Compared to many, I've barely suffered at all, 5. People mess up, people fail, people leave, that's life, but Jesus never will. And that list could probably go on and on for pages of things I forget, fail to make myself remember, choose to ignore, etc. But that isn't the point. The point is that I've been down, in a bad mood, and yeah, I have some reason. That isn't the problem. The problem is that I have been allowing my circumstances to dictate me. To rule me. That is not the way it works. The world doesn't get to choose who or what I am. I don't either. I am to be living, loving, serving, and all with a joyful spirit, no. matter. what. No questions asked, no arguing, complaining, whining, or turning away. I'm here to love and serve and smile. 

So back to the 21 things. They were good. They were great. They were what I needed to hear. And yeah, they may have possibly made my tear up a little to be reminded of...and here they are:

Here’s what Jesus wants you to know:

1. You are my beloved. (Eph. 5:1)
2. I knew you before you were born. As my hands formed you, I whispered purpose into your bones. I can’t not love you. (Ps. 139:1-6)
3. I love you beyond human reason—even at your very worst, steeped in sin. (Rom. 5:8)
4. My love is contrary to all you know of “love.” I Love you “even though” and “deeper still.” My love reaches, pursues, remains. (Ps. 36:5)
5. My Love for you won’t walk out, fail, or ever come to an end. (Deut. 31:8)
6. No matter what you’ve heard or what you’ve come to believe, there’s nothing that can separate you from my Love. (Rom. 8:38-39)
7. I am not like people. So please—don’t put human words in my mouth or apply human behaviors to my character. You will miss me altogether. (Isaiah 55:8)
8. I’ve never ignored you. I’ve been here all along. Protecting. Loving. Waiting. (Ps. 56:8)
9. Your love of _____ (sin) isn’t worth eternity. I will break your chains. I will give you the desires of your heart. (Jn. 8:32, Ps. 37:4)
10. Please forgive some of my followers. People—even Christian people—will fail you. You live in a fallen land, where no one is perfect and all need My grace. Put your faith and trust in Me alone. (Psalm 146:3)
11. There’s no sin I will not forgive. You are the “whosoever believes in me” whom I will give eternal life . . . if you believe. (John 3:16)
12. As resourceful and brilliant as you are, you cannot save yourself. It’s by God’s grace and faith in Me alone that you are saved. (Eph 2:8-9)
13. I understand your pain and heartbreak. And my heart breaks with you. (Is. 53:3)
14. There’s nowhere you can go where my Love won’t find you. (Psalm 139:7-8)
15. The shame and guilt weighs you down has been taken care of on the cross. Your bill has been zeroed out. (John 3:16)
16. The addictions. The pride. The selfishness. The hate. The lust. The jealousy. The critical spirit. The greed. I can heal it. All of it. You can start fresh. Today. (Rom. 8:1-4)
17. I will forgive you. But only if you ask. And I care more about the “ask” than I do about the sin. (Acts 3:19)
18. I will not force you to do or be anything. I want a relationship with you more than I want to rule over you. (Jeremiah 31:3)
19. I will forgive your sin and I will forget it. That’s right—completely erase it from my mind. No replays, no record. Gone. (Ps. 103:12)
20. It’s never too late to turn your life around. I came to give second chances. (Luke 23:42-43)
21. I love you. Let’s talk. (Jer. 29:13)

SO much love. So much love. So. Much. Love. It's unbelievable sometimes. I can't understand it, can't grasp it, can't. But it is wonderful. It is amazing. It makes me want to sing. I've been sitting here all week, worrying and thinking about myself. I haven't been living the way Jesus wants me to, but He's still got me. It's all so beautiful. That He loves me. That He made me. That He formed and created me just as He wants me to be. Yeah, I have so many faults. There are so many parts of my personality and looks that I hate, wish were different, feel like a failure because of, and constantly find myself comparing to others and falling short. But that isn't the point. Those are things I need to stop caring about. I am who I am for a reason. I am where I am in life for a reason. I've been through the things I've been through for a reason. And Jesus planned it all out. And it's really cool, because I know what He's called me to. I mean I've felt called to adopt kids since I was like 8. That's what, 10 years of my life that I've known what I was to do? And now I feel called to work on ending modern day slavery. And I'm an artist. And I love that too. When I was cleaning out my closet earlier this week I kept finding random Bible verses I'd written down about adoption or caring for the less fortunate, serving, etc. Things that I feel so called to now, I was focusing on even when I was little. God has a plan for my life. I just need to trust Him to take care of it all, stop worrying about small unimportant details that He figured out eons ago, and just live life. 

Back to the 21 things...

I loved the parts about God always being there, loving, watching, waiting, protecting, etc. It's so great to think of Him like that. To realize that He's always there, always around, always with me. That I'm never alone. That He'll always be there when I turn around, tears filling my eyes, in deep need of someone to just hold me. Or when I'm filled with joy and need to tell someone about it and have someone celebrate with me. Or when I'm frightened and need to hide my eyes and have someone take away the scary monsters in my closet (sometimes I'm really very sure they're there). 

And that yeah, people fail. We're human. We suck. I suck, I fully acknowledge this fact. I am judgmental, angry, hateful, selfish, gossipy, not loving enough, focused on me and my problems, the list could literally fill books. Everyone's lists of sins could. The beauty is that as much as we fail, suck, and are never faithful enough, Jesus always is. No matter how many times people hurt me, leave me, or fail me, Jesus never will. That's amazing. That's beautiful beyond expression. That makes my heart full, it makes me want to sing from the rooftops to tell the world that I am loved. I am wanted. And even though we suck, even though I suck, the other absolutely wonderful and amazing thing is that no matter how many times I mess up, Jesus will always take me back. Infact, He's not even "taking me back," because He never left. Maybe I did. But He didn't. And He never leaves me alone, even when I turn around, yell loudly that I matter more, and run away from Him. Very quickly, I trip and fall in the mess of my own pride and selfishness and He's already there to pick me back up, put a band-aid on my knee, and tell me that even though I messed up for the 87,582,345,897,130,457,234,098,571,340th time...He's still picking me up. And He'll keep on helping me up until the day I die. That's beautiful. That's wonderful. That's love.