Colors and Contours

I've had the wonderful opportunity this quarter to take a painting class. It's an "experimental" class and we get to pretty generally paint whatever we want. The assignments are beautifully broad, allowing creativity to fully flow without the constraints specific assignments often provide.

It's been a great journey, learning to paint. I've never really painted before, which has caused a bit of insecurity. I'm learning, though, slowly developing my own style and learning to just embrace the medium and enjoy the process, rather than getting so caught up in the end result I don't actually learn anything along the way.

That's a bit how life is, actually. Sometimes it's so easy to focus so much on the future, on where you'll be in a few years, even just a few months, or maybe just a few days, if the weekend is near.

But when you get caught up in what's to come, you can't embrace and enjoy what's in the here and now. Life is about the journey, as much about where you go as how you got there.


When painting, if I focus all my attention on what my painting will look like in the end, I'll lose the opportunity to explore, to play, to embrace the process of painting and deviate from the original plan to create something entirely new and equally exciting as my original idea. Or maybe I play around and it utterly fails, but I learn from it and can apply that failure to my future attempts and endeavors.

If you never try anything, then it's true you'll never fail. But you'll also never succeed. Living life in fear of failing is no way to live at all. It's all about the process, the journey, the adventure.

That's what life is. A great big adventure. It's unknown, like any exciting adventure should be.

When you watch a movie or read a book for the first time, you have no idea what will happen, where the characters will go, how they will get there, or who they will become along the way. You travel with them, experiencing what they experience, feeling their fear, becoming excited along with them. When they're in danger, your heart races too, when they're excited, you are happy as well, and when they make it through safely, you breath a great sigh of relief. You don't know where they're going, the story is about the journey to get there and what they learn and who they become along the way.

It's about who we are. It's about who we become. That's why we go through our trials and suffering, joy and excitement, love and care. So we can paint a beautiful painting, or a meaningful painting, and learn along the way. It's as much about the end result as how you got there.

Be Still

There are about seven billion people in the world.

About half of these individuals live in poverty.

There are around 50 million orphans, and an estimated 27 million slaves.

There is so much brokenness, so much need. It's overwhelming.

I've been reading a lot recently, maybe too much. I read No Longer A Slumdog a few weeks ago (you can go to their website to get a FREE copy of the book). It's filled with stories of tragedy, loss, and abuse, the lives of people in various parts of Asia and the hardships they face. It is also a book filled with the hope and redemption that comes through Jesus Christ's saving Love.

As I was sitting on my bed reading, I couldn't help but cry. Partially my tears were sorrow for the brokenness in the world and the hardships so many around the world face, my heart was breaking for all the people who don't know Jesus, who don't know love, who live in the midst of so much abuse and so much hurt.

And my heart was breaking because I simply did not know what I could possibly do.

I could give more money, I could support more children, I could go to Asia, I could tell people about the issues there and inspire them to go, I could write, I could use my art to raise awareness and funds, I could share this book with people so they could know, I could keep praying, I could write articles, there were so many little things, so many things, but nothing could fix it.

All I wanted, all I want, is to fix it.

I don't want little girls to be used as sex toys. I don't want women to be abused. I don't want kids and adults to work for little or no pay in factories. I don't want infants to die, I don't want people to starve to death, I don't want anyone to be homeless, hungry, or unloved.

And I cried and cried, because I didn't know how to fix it, because the problem is so overwhelming, because there are so many millions of men and women and children desperately in need of salvation - both physically and spiritually - and I couldn't save them all.

"I want to lift them up...I groan within me. How can I help them come out of all this poverty and oppression? That's my burden." -Niran Das

This is how I felt, and still feel. Just so ... overwhelmed.

Then at the beginning of this week my friend, Anna, lent me a beautiful publication by Time magazine about Mother Teresa. It's a spectacular telling of her life's work, and incredibly inspirational. I highly recommend it.

Prior to reading it, I didn't know that much about Mother Teresa. I knew she was a missionary in India who has inspired many to live lives of service to the Lord and to the poor, I knew she was very servant-hearted and dedicated her entire life, I knew she started orphanages and homes for the destitute and dying. Basically I knew she was very important, inspirational, sacrificial, and very in love with Jesus.

I was so humbled reading her story. She was called to go and she went. She dedicated every moment of her life to the poor. She never stopped loving people, she never stopped serving her Jesus. She had such a deep faith and close relationship with God, it was so beautiful to read about.

And she influenced so many people.

She didn't have plans, she just did whatever God wanted her to do. If there wasn't a hospital where there should be one, she got one built. She built hospices, caring for those turned away from hospitals because they were going to die anyways.

She gave up everything, the familiarity of her home, her family, her friends. She moved to a country that was unfamiliar and she didn't just go for a little bit, she went for a lifetime.

She wasn't concerned with making a name for herself, she was simply concerned with loving people, helping the poor and the dying and the destitute, serving Jesus with her whole heart and spirit.

I read it and I thought, "I want to be like her. I want to do that. I want to give my whole heart, my whole self, my whole life and just go."

At Cru last night a team came and talked about mission work, particularly emphasizing God's explicit calling on everyone to go out and spread the gospel, that God wants each and every person who knows Him to share the good news of His love and grace.

I know this, I have known this. I want to go, I want to serve,  I want to do, I want to change lives and love people. But there are so many people to love. There are so many people to serve. There are so many countries and so many people who have never even heard of Jesus, much less know the story of His beautiful love.

And there are so many things I feel God wants me to do. I've wanted to adopt kids since I was a little kid. A few years ago, as I learned about slavery in the world today, I felt my heart pull to help those who have been enslaved. Last year I felt God wanted me to go on staff with Cru (after graduation), a desire He strengthened and affirmed for me during this quarter at DU. And now I know more and more about the poverty around the world, feel my heart breaking for the lost and hopeless. As I learn more about overseas missions opportunities, I start to wonder if I should stay in the US.

Is that selfish? To stay here where it's comfortable? Should I go to a different country? But where should I go? And what about adopting kids? And ending slavery? And doing Cru? Do I go on staff with Cru here? Or go to a different country? When? Where?

So many questions. They were running around my head in wild circles last night. I felt so agitated. There are so many things I could do to help, so many opportunities, so many options, and so many desires I have to serve. But what do I do? When do I do it? How do I know what God really wants?

And I've been begging to know. Saying, God, I don't know how I can help, how I can help fix these problems, God just tell me. I'll do anything. I'll go anywhere. I'll learn a new language and move to a new place and even if I never get to see my family again on this earth and have to leave all my friends it's okay. Whatever you want. Just tell me. Just let me know what you want me to do.

And this morning, God said to just be still. To be where I am, to not worry about the future, but to love people and serve people right here, right now.

See God knows how much I like to plan out the future, so He doesn't tell me what's going to happen. He wants me to just follow along and trust Him. And I know this, but I still work myself into a frenzy and freak out a bit and beg to be told what to do and finally hear God telling me, gently, to be still, to trust Him, and to live in the here and the now instead of beating myself up about the past or trying to run into the future.

There's so little time on this earth, and I have no idea how long I'll even be on it. If I live in the future, wondering what I can and will do five, 10, 15 years from now...I'll miss out on what God can be doing through me right now. I'll miss out on opportunities to love the people who are in my life right now. I'll miss being able to serve, share the gospel now, be the hands and feet of Jesus now.

Because that's the point. To be still and know that He is God. To trust His Holy Name and His Perfect Will and do what He desires. To be open to whatever, wherever, whenever. And if whatever, wherever, and whenever is right here, right now, where I am, that's where I'm to be. And I can serve so much here and when it's time for me to go somewhere else, God will tell me. If He wants me in Africa, India, Russia, South America, or here in the United States, He'll make that clear. When it's time.

And until then, I'm to love and serve people, love and serve my Jesus, and most importantly, trust and be still.

Will You Join Me?

“Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.” Psalm 82:3

Hi!

I wanted to take this opportunity to update you a little on me, and invite you to be part of something exciting happening this November. I'm entering my third year at the University of Denver, majoring in Studio Art and Journalism. My relationship with Jesus has grown so much and I have been incredibly blessed with the the friends I have made and amazing communities I am part of. One of these is Cru (formerly Campus Crusade for Christ). I've been involved since my first year, where I have met my closest friends and joined the Leadership Team. This winter, Cru is going on a mission project to South Asia! 
 

Though I can't disclose the exact location I'd love to tell you what we'll be doing. We will be spending many afternoons talking with students on college campuses about their lives and religious beliefs and in turn sharing with them the good news of Jesus' love for them and the hope of salvation. We will also be working with the homes for the destitute and dying and working with women and girls who have been rescued out of the sex-slave industry. 
 

The country is predominately Muslim and Hindu, and less than 1% of the population are Christians. Women and young girls are forced into prostitution. There are millions of orphaned children. South Asia is desperately in need of hope and salvation, which I truly believe can only be found through the gospel of Jesus' love and grace for all. I can't express my excitement to be part of sharing the good news of Jesus with people who have may have never even heard about Him before. 
 

There is an established Cru team in this country, with seven dedicated staff in a city of 20 million. They are ministering in slums, on college campuses, and planting churches. Denver Cru has a partnership with this country, Cru has served there before and will continue to serve as the Lord leads. Our vision, as Cru, is to see this ministry grow as more churches are planted, the good news of Jesus' love is preached, and we continue to see God move in South Asia. 
 

I'm asking you to partner with me on this project, both prayerfully and financially. The mission trip is from November 26 to December 5, and the cost is $3,000. This will cover travel, food, and other expenses such as shots and a visa. I need to have all the money raised by November 23. Would you consider partnering with me with a gift of $50, $100, or more? Of course, however the Lord leads you give is the right amount and such a blessing. All gifts are tax deductible and checks should be made out to “Cru.” On a trip like this, your prayers are most necessary and so appreciated, as we go into the darkness and spread the light of Jesus Christ. 
 

Please mail your gift to me at 1930 S. York Street #207, Denver, CO 80210. There is also opportunity to give online. If you would prefer this option, go online to give.cru.org and type in account #2875125. Please indicate that the gift is for Katy Owens in both the “Add Comment For GPI WSN India Partnership” and the “Add Comments For Donation Services” boxes. The account is a general account for the whole team, so I will not be notified of your gift. Please contact me via phone (314-616-3319) or email (katy.owens.du2014@gmail.com) to let me know about your gift.

Matthew 25:40 reads, “The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'” I feel so blessed to have this opportunity to go out and be the hands and feet of Christ and serve “the least of these.” Thank you for your support, I am so blessed for individuals like you who can help make this journey possible.

Love,

Katy

So Long, Too Long

Whew! It has been forever since I've blogged. Life has been insanely crazy and I'm busy all the time. I'm in a few art classes, which are super fun, but quite time-consuming! Top that off with my other classes (writing and videography-intensive), leading a small group and being super involved in Cru, plus spending time with Jesus and attempting to have a social life and...blogging is difficult to fit in.

Speak of Cru...

I love it. Formerly Campus Crusade for Christ, it's something that has been part of my life for, well, ever really. My parents met when they were both on staff with Cru on a project in Hawaii. They fell in love, got married, yada yada, moved to Arkansas to work for Cru at the University of Arkansas, had me, and we moved to Russia when I was three months old to be missionaries in a still rather communist country (the wall fell only a year or two before we were there). My parents have more awesome stories of our times there than I, as we left when I was a mere five years old, and I can't remember much more than snow, sleds, and other fun childish memories.

I always planned to do Cru in college, and when I got to the University of Denver, I did! I didn't get super involved my freshman year (so busy, so many clubs) but by my second year I was a bit more settled and found my niche. During my third quarter I joined the leadership team and have been super involved with Cru ever since.

God showed me during that year He wanted me to work for Cru after graduation. This is a desire He has been re-affirming in the past few weeks and months, and I am unbelievably excited for the years to come when I can work with college students (and the amazing Denver staff!) and spread the love of Jesus.

Not that I can't spread the gospel now!

God has really been doing a lot in my life recently to show me how I need to be changing to live more passionately for Him and be more forward about my faith and sharing it with everyone and anyone, because He is awesome and how could I not talk about Him all the time? I'm sure I'll write more lengthy blog posts about this in times to come, and more about the other awesome things God is doing.

Basically He is just so faithful to show me my own sin and the ways I need to be changing to live more for Him. I mess up all the time, I'm selfish and live for myself, and He gently reminds me to put Him on the throne and stop putting me, me, me first. It's so humbling to see how deeply He loves me even though I'm so unworthy of this love. It's also so freeing and so empowering! I would do anything for this God who loves me so much!

And I'm getting the opportunity to do sweet things for Him right now. Over winter break I have been blessed with the opportunity to go to South Asia with Cru. I am beyond excited for this opportunity. I will be posting lots about this trip, my heart for going there and the service we will be doing, and the logistics of the trip itself. We are raising our own support, and I'll definitely need people to partner with me, both financially and most importantly, prayerfully!

It is incredible to be loved so fully and so perfectly by Jesus. Having that love means I should be going out and sharing it with others, loving people like Jesus loves us (1 Corinthians 13) and going out into the nations to share this gospel of good news - that Jesus loves. It's so simple and so beautiful and I am so thankful I get the opportunity to go to South Asia to spread this truth!

Thank Goodness for Grace

I have this goal of being a selfless person. And I like to think I'm improving, getting a bit closer to being a servant-hearted and loving person. To not thinking of myself first, but putting the interests of others above my own. I'd like to think I'm overall a nice, kind, genuine, loving individual. Oh man, how wrong I am. And every time I start to pat myself on the back a few too many times, start to tell myself I'm doing alright, I get knocked off my high horse and reminded who I really am, a broken, self-centered, sinful human desperately in need of salvation and utterly incapable of saving myself. Thank goodness for grace. 

Let me tell you a story. And let's preface it with this, it isn't one I'm proud of. I'd rather not share it. But at the same time, I'm so overjoyed because of it, because it is a perfect portrayal of beautiful grace. 

This morning I helped someone fix their bike as they were going to work. But that isn't the end of the story, or even the beginning, it's the nice-sounding middle that has much more to it. 

I got up nice and early, the 5 a.m. air was cool, calm, and cleansing. It rushed past as I ran along the sidewalk. I was going at a decent pace, I actually felt like I was running pretty fast (though I'm sure that was all in my head) and the run felt so good, the way running should always feel. I was loving it. Still dark, the streets barely lit by poor street lighting, I was totally alone, totally at peace, no music, no cars, just me, the world, and God. Perfect. 

I ran along Franklin Street towards Wash Park, prepared for a nice jaunt around the park. And I was flying, or at least it felt like it, I wasn't even tired or winded yet. This was the best run I'd had since coming back to Denver and adjusting to the significant lack of oxygen. The best run I'd had in weeks, in fact. 

As I neared Wash Park I noticed someone stopped with their bike, a dim light, like one from a cell phone, was shining on the back wheel which they appeared to be adjusting. In that moment a small part of me unconsciously said "I wonder if they need help?" And the rest of my mind and body kept jogging. 

I kept jogging. 

For about 2 and a half seconds. 

Then I thought again, stopped, and jogged back. 

She was on her way to work, a small blue light, one of the ones you put on your keychain, propped against the sidewalk as she attempted to hold her bike up against her body and put the disconnected chain back on her bike. She'd popped off half the chain-guard (those things are the WORST) and was struggling to put the chain on. With each seeming success, the other part would fall off, and so on. 

I asked if I could help. 

We spent about 5 minutes and eventually broke the plastic guard off completely, removed the chain entirely from the front as well, put in on the back, then on the front, and got the bike back to functionality. She thanked me for stopping, expressed happiness that she'd left extra early for work that day, and pedaled off into the darkness towards whatever job she was going to. 

I resumed my jog, feeling pretty darn good about myself for helping, glad I'd been willing to sacrifice part of a really good run, stop my really good pace, and help someone out. Glad I'd gotten to serve, glad I'd gotten to show someone the love of Jesus, even if I hadn't been able to preach the gospel with words. 

I hadn't yet recognized what you all already know, that I didn't stop right away, that at first, I kept jogging. 

Oh, what a selfish sinner am I. 

As I ran around the park, I talked with God, as I often do on runs. I don't exactly remember what I was praying about, I think mostly grace and brokenness and asking God to keep showing me how broken I am, keep making me humble. I was thanking Him for the Cross, for coming and dying, that I might live. I remember singing in my head the words, "Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all." I remember going over the 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."

I don't say these things to show you what a good little follower of Jesus I am for praying and singing and reciting Bible verses while running. I tell you these things so you see the thoughts and words that led up to the real, painful, beautiful part of the story. 

My brokenness. His grace. 

Suddenly I was struck with the realization that I did not stop for that woman. I didn't stop. I didn't stop. Tears filled my eyes and my arms went limp at my sides as I realized the enormity of that statement. 

How selfish I am! I just wanted to keep running, enjoy my fast pace, my peaceful, wonderful run, have a successful run, by my standards. A successful run by my standards was far from the successful run God had planned for me.

I didn't stop. Jesus did. I would have kept going. I would have let that woman struggle with her broken chain until someone else chose to be selfless or she finally fixed it or walked it, broken and useless, to work. 

I didn't stop. And by the grace of God, He stopped my mind, heart, and running feet and cried out to me, "What would I do? What would I do for her?" And by the grace of God, I listened. By the grace of God, I helped. By the grace of God, I was able to show some of Jesus' love. 

Not by my own strength, my own love, my own servant's heart, my own selflessness. Not by any power of my own. Because I am broken, sinful, selfish, and utterly in need of freedom, grace, truth, and salvation, none of which, I can gain without the beautiful grace, love, and forgiveness of glorious, merciful Jesus. 

Bottom line: I SUCK. And the only good in me, is from Jesus. 

And I finished my run mulling over this in my heart, thanking God for His grace, begging Him to free me of my sin and continue to reveal to me my brokenness. 

The sky was barely lit by the hazy glow of a rising sun, a dawning day, bathing the world in a pale golden hue, like my soul cleansed in beautiful grace. 

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on Him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Timothy 1:15-17

By the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ I am slowly learning the truth that I am the Chief of All Sinners. Thank goodness for His beautiful grace.