A Confession

I must confess that in a world of wounds and war

I have contributed to division

In a world where people are wrapped up in their own pain and fear

I have allowed my own fear and anger to control me

putting up walls between myself and those I disagree with

those whose opinions anger me

sadden me

and make me fearful

I’m heartbroken by opinions and politics that propose great walls 

to keep out the immigrant, demonize the refugee

And yet I do the same

turning those with whom I disagree into an enemy

allowing perspectives and politics I deem as hateful

to stop me from seeing a fellow human being

It’s easier to create stories

than to listen

So I’ve written stories about those people

decided they are evil, racist, hateful

These stories are safer, easy

then I don’t have to see real, hurting people

I must confess that in a world divided by pain, fear, and loss

my words have not been invitational, my actions push away instead of draw near 

I want to rage

I want to scream

demonize the other

and not see a fellow hurting human

not pause long enough to acknowledge that pain renders us irrational

and perhaps we’re all just hurting too much to function clearly

I have to be honest that

I don’t want to listen

Don’t want to stop and hear the stories

Don’t want to ask questions

Don’t want to seek to understand

those it would be easier to simply hate

Because it is easier to keep “those people” “over there”

where I don’t have to know them

understand perspectives, sympathize with pain

If I choose to see brother instead of enemy

I suddenly must see the violence in my own heart

No longer can I blame and say “how dare they” 

I must confess that my heart does not always desire unity, and that I have not always pursued it

But my first step towards peace, is saying I’m Sorry