My Psalm

I've been reading through the book of Psalms in the Bible recently and realized, I'm essentially reading someone's journal. David's poems were the prayers, praises and petitions to the Lord he wrote down, now there for us to see. They are powerful because they are raw and real, deeply honest and vulnerable. They speak to where David was at in moments of doubt, hope, desire, joy, heartbreak, failure, brokenness. They speak to us because we can identify with them. We understand his words of peace, lying down in green pastures and beside quiet waters, finding refuge in a God who is ever-present in times of trouble. We can identify with the moments when David cries, "Lord, where are you? Why are you silent?" We all have moments of doubt. Moments when (if we are really honest) we wonder if God is even there, or if He is, if He actually cares. The trouble is, we often aren't willing to vocalize those fears and questions because we aren't comfortable with the vulnerability, or not always having it all together. This is why David's words resonate with so many people in different stages of life and places of faith. Because it's David speaking to God exactly what is on his heart. With all of that in mind, I want to share a prayer/poem I wrote down recently as I sought the Lord in my brokenness and wrongdoing. 

God, 

I have been so self-centered

focused on me all day long

as if I'm God

as if my ways are right and just

Or, at least,

more important than anyone else's 

As if, 

I matter more

or my little world even 

matters at all

You know, the one where

I'm on the throne and

You give me glory

That world doesn't exist,

but I pretend it does

I live like it does

so often,

too often

Live for my comfort,

live for my fame,

ruled by my "right" to

"my rights"

as if they existed, when really

I surrendered my rights 

the moment I

surrendered to You

Yet

I'm trying to take them back

as if my will mattered

or my ways were

right and true

Righteousness

is from You alone

Self-righteousness, the burden 

on my back, take

this burden away

The sin I carry

Lord, 

I need you now

Direct my thoughts away

from me and my selfish ways

where I care more for

my comfort than

the people around me

Turn my face to You

Only there do I find rest

my peace is in You

And when my eyes are fixed

on the throne

Yours, not the one I 

try to construct

Then justice rolls down

mercy will I see

love, an outpouring

of the Love I've been shown

grace will I give, for

You gave it to me

And my world will shrink

never more to be seen

consumed by your

all-consuming, gracious sea

Lord,

help me

help me be

like You