The Loved One

I seem to always "discover" something new each time I read the Bible. A verse sticks out that never did before, a phrase means something new because of a new life experience or struggle. And some things always stick out, always make an impact, or always leave me with the same bit of leftover confusion or lingering questions.

I've read the Gospel of John numerous times, and with each reading, one phrase sticks out to me and leaves me with a slightly unsettled question.

"...the disciple whom Jesus loved..."

The verse is repeated multiple times in the Gospel of John, and I've never quite understood it. As far as I'm aware from scripture, Jesus doesn't love some people more than others. Yet it seems like John, by commenting that he specifically was loved by Jesus, is saying he was most loved. The only other alternative I could come up with, which I have been more inclined to prescribe to, was that John was just a little prideful. Why else would he feel the need to comment that he was the disciple loved by Jesus?  Like he was the favorite, when I'm pretty sure Jesus doesn't play favorites.

But then my perspective was changed. The emphasis isn't on "the" in "the disciple Jesus loved," and it most certainly doesn't say "the disciple Jesus loved most." No, the emphasis is on "loved."

It's not about John. It's about Jesus, and Jesus' love.

John was the disciple "who never got over the fact that Jesus loved him."

John wasn't trying to say he was Jesus' favorite, he was simply in awe of the fact that he was loved at all.

John never got over the fact that Jesus loved him.

He didn't take Jesus' love for him for granted. Rather, he was so in awe of Jesus' love for him, he couldn't stop talking about it. Instead of a prideful, "I'm loved by Jesus," it was a humble awe that "Jesus loves me." The focus isn't on John, it's on Jesus.

Man, I want to live that way.

I remember a point in college, which lasted for probably about a year, when I was so in awe of Jesus' love for me. I was so astounded by the fact that He did love me. That the God of the universe, all-powerful and incredible, knew me personally, loved me intimately, and had such compassion and mercy on me that He died for my sins. It legitimately brought me to tears when I thought about it.

And if I'm really honest, it doesn't bring me to tears like it used to. I long for those days, when the mere thought that Jesus loved me brought me to my knees and caused me to praise Him.

It's like I've become so busy (isn't that the catchphrase of our culture), that I've forgotten why I'm even where I am, why I'm doing what I'm doing, why I am who I am. Because of love. Because of beautiful, perfect, sacrificial, undeserved, substitutionary love that gives me life and hope and freedom and breath.

I want to live like John. So humbled by the fact that I'm loved that I never get over it, never stop talking about it. I want to live in utter awe of His love for me.

He loves me! Jesus loves me! That's amazing. Beautiful. That should change my life, change my every moment. I was lost, and now I am found, freed, and deeply loved. How can I do anything but praise Him through eyes filled with tears at the indescribable beauty of being completely known and unconditionally loved.

It's a love that changes lives. It's a love that leaves you with no option but to sing and to serve.

It's a love you can't get over.

I too am the one Jesus loves, as are we all.