We always seem to be striving for perfection. We long for unconditional approval from those around us, and seeking perfection seems to be the best way to gain this approval. We are constantly told, by society and culture and movies and magazines and the people around us, that we have to earn love and approval. Our relationships with others teach us that the better we act, the more love we receive. The smarter, cooler, more beautiful, healthier, funnier, more successful we are, the better we are and the more we are approved of, the more desirable we are, the more we are wanted.
We desperately want to be wanted. We desperately want the approval, care, and love of those around us.
And we have translated these flawed human interactions and the feeling of necessity of earning approval and love into our relationships with God. We think He has more love and more care to offer us that we have to do things to earn.
What it comes down to is that "we think we aren't quite right, and that we have to fix ourselves to make ourselves more acceptable."
Hearing this line in a sermon this past week, it resonated deep within me, because it is such an incredibly true statement.
I function like this, I constantly deem myself "not quite right" and strive ceaselessly to fix myself to be more acceptable - both to God and especially to those around me.
There are always ways in which I see room for improvement. I fall short of my own high standards. Without even looking to how God sees me and what God's standards are for me, I decide I have fallen short of the measure.
I feel like a failure of a Christian. If only I was bolder in my faith, if only I could truly preach the Gospel in word and deed and make disciples of all men.
If only I could be more gracious, loving, selfless, servant-hearted, compassionate...then I'd be a better sister, friend, daughter, leader, Christian.
If only I could be perfect, because then I'd be perfect. And if only I was perfect, then I could be approved of, then I could be loved, then I could deserve love, then I could accept love. If only I was perfect, then everything would be perfect.
But that's not living at all, and that especially is not living under the grace of God.
He will never love me less than He does right this instant, and He will never love me more. He has never loved me more or less than He does at this moment, because His love does not ebb and flow and wax and wane as our human love does. His love is perfect and constant, unceasing and unending, infinite and perfect and breathtakingly beautiful.
No matter what I ever do, no matter what I ever say. No matter how many times I fail, fall, fly, God will never love me less than He does today and He will never love me more. He loves me the same today, yesterday, and forever.
Yes, yes, yes I can improve. I should improve. I am flawed and sinful and can and should always be seeking to be more like Christ. But I don't need to improve, I don't need to change, I don't need to fix myself in order to be more loved.
Rather, I must accept Christ's unconditional and unchanging love for me and as I live in the perfection of that beautiful unending love, then I will naturally begin to change and grow to be more like Christ. Not because I did enough to earn righteousness. Not because I am good enough and now deserve love and acceptance.
As I accept Christ's grace and love for me, and fall more in love with Him, and am passionately and completely and utterly lost in Him, then I will become more gracious and loving and selfless. The flaws and places I see room for improvement don't need to change so God loves me more. Instead as God loves me the most, His love will change me.
When we truly know Christ's love for us, then we are changed. Not to be loved, but because we are loved.
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