Green Trees

So I'm waiting for my German Culture class to start and figured I'd blog for a bit. I have about five minutes, so this prolly won't be very long! It's super, duper, uber cold here. Yes, all those adjectives are absolutely, 100% necessary. We didn't have school Tuesday it was so cold! That neverrrrr happens here apparently. But there was a frostbite warning out and I spent a lovely day on my floor, mostly in my room. I watched X-Men...I know, I'm a nerd, but I actually enjoy those movies a lot! And we had a random yoga/Bollywood/dance party in our lounge. Everyone thinks we're crazy now, but who cares! It was lovely :)
Last week was really hard. The past quarter has been really hard. I've been struggling a lot with loving people unconditionally, serving them, not being selfish/self-centered, and mostly just being joyful no matter my circumstances. Sunday I was studying in the lounge and was in a bit of a stressed and negative mood. I was freaking out about how much Winter Park is gonna cost, but afraid that if I didn't go I'd just be alone all weekend. The scary part was that half of me would have been totally okay with being by myself for a weekend. Sometimes I like to be alone too much, I'm scared that's how I'm starting to like to be. Like maybe I'm just better at being on my own. I decided for my own health, and because Winter Park will be fun, I'd just fork out the cash and go. So as I was in this rather negative mood I started to realize that people just didn't seem to want to be around me. I'm not funny, especially cool, or even really that interesting of an individual. All I really have to offer is generally being cheerful and helpful and loving, and recently I haven't been that. I got scared I was gonna lose all my friends/the people I think are my friends. All the worries, fears, frustrations, hurts, and sad moments of the past few weeks (don't' worry, there have been tons of great moments too!) piled up and I ended up just going to my room and crying...for a while. Sometimes that is what the soul really, really needs. I almost have to go to class, so I'll summarize the rest.
Essentially I realized how much I really need to give it all up to God. I may be struggling a bit with the problem of suffering in the world, and why God allows that, but honestly it is a question no one has an answer for and basically every Christian struggles with. I realized how much I've been trying to do things on my own, and allowing myself to live in resentment and bitterness. I cried and yelled at God, begging him to just let me be happy. All I want is to be happy. I prayed and cried and gave my problems up to Him. Then, I fell asleep. The rest of the week has been much, much better...minus the ridiculously awful frigid weather. It's snowing again! Beautiful, but miserably cold! I wish I could just enjoy it from a warm chair with a cup of hot chocolate...but such a luxury is not allowed in this crazy college life!