Eyes on False Prizes and Learning to See

 "Keep your eyes on Me, Katy. 

Not the goal, or what you perceive it to be. 

Keep your eyes on Me, I am the goal."

God spoke those words to me in January. Running along a deserted sidewalk in the wee hours of the morning in Daytona, it was nearing the end of my time at New Staff Training for Cru and I was contemplating (read: becoming increasingly anxious about) raising my finances to work for the organization. The giant, impossible, daunting task ahead of me. So wrapped up in what I'd do to get through the process and reach the goal of being fully-funded and on-campus, I was rapidly losing sight of the Rock higher than I (Psalm 61:2).

This still rings one of my strongest temptations. Failing to remember He is the goal. Knowing Him, communing with Him. The relationship, being "fully known" (1 Corinthians 13:12), completely accepted, deeply cherished.

Knowing Him. Finding my identity completely at the foot of the cross. Being free because Grace hung on a tree and Love died for me. That's the goal. To be free in His love. 

I'm grateful for God teaching me lessons more than once, because I'm apparently a very slow learner. And this is something He has spoken to me again and again, "I want you to be free, Katy." And that freedom comes from His love. His love alone breaks the chains of darkness in our lives and conquers death in this world. 

Whenever I ask God, "What do you want from me?" His consistent response has been, "Your heart." 

Not my actions or dreams. Not what I do or what I say. Me. He just wants me! Not what I do, how much I serve, not how many people I tell about Him or how often my knees hit the floor and I kneel down to pray. 

Me. He just wants me. My heart is enough. 

And that just doesn't make sense to my black-and-white, give-and-take manner of thinking. 

If you were standing

at the foot of the tree

looking up at Me

You'd still be saying, 

"Come down,

I'm not worth it"

Because, my Katy

You're still trying to earn this

But it's grace

Grace beautiful and free

Grace hanging from a cross

Love bleeding on a tree

For thee

And so, too often, I keep my eyes fixed on the wrong goal, a false prize. But His grace is enough, and I'm learning to see with new eyes. Me. Enough. Not because of who I am, but because of what He's done. He is the goal, and my eyes must stay fixed on Him as I run His race. 

Knowing Him, and being fully known. That is the goal, and in that goal I find the freedom I so desperately seek.