A Sour Song

 

gossip |ˈgäsəp| | noun

a) casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true

b) chiefly derogatory a person who likes talking about other people's private lives

c) a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others

d) rumor or report of an intimate nature

e) chatty talk 

 

Don't lie. You know you've done it. I have. We all have. "I can't believe she wore that." "Did you hear what he said?" "Did so-and-so tell you what they did?" 

It's a problem in every circle of life, lies and exaggerations consuming and destroying a person's reputation. And even if the words never reach their ears, your perception of them is marred for eternity. 

Gossiping is so bad it's listed right up there with murder, malice, and God hating in Romans 1:28-32. In Proverbs 6:16-19, there are, "six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies, and a person who stirs up conflict in the community."

There are a lot of things the Lord hates in there - pride, lying, murder - but the very last thing on the list is gossip. Why does God hate gossip and slander so much? 

Of course, it isn't nice to talk badly about people. But what's the root of that? Why is it so harmful, so detestable? Especially if the person never even knows you were talking about them behind their back...what's the harm? 

It isn't loving. 

Gossiping isn't loving. 

In Matthew 22:37-39, Jesus tells us the greatest commandments are to, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind,' and 'love your neighbor as yourself.'"

 

We are called to love one another, and gossiping, quite frankly, is the antithesis of loving. 

 

Ephesians 4:15-16 tells us we are to speak the truth in love and respect one another. Love builds up the body of Christ, of which we are all a part. Gossip tears it down, infiltrating the bonds of love and community with poisonous vapors of malice and contempt. 

We watched a lot of Veggie Tales when I was growing up. One particularly epic and relevant tale was LarryBoy and the Rumor Weed. The years have blurred my exact memories of the story, but I remember the basics pretty well. Someone tells a rumor (gossips), and what starts as a small, seemingly innocent, little plant becomes a giant monstrous weed that begins to take over the city with lies and deceit. 

That's how gossip is. It grows and grows, and ultimately there is nothing innocent, and definitely not loving or caring, that comes out of such action. 

Gossip hurts others, it isn't loving or kind. But even if gossiping didn't hurt another soul, it would still be wrong. Philippians 4:8 says, "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Gossiping isn't noble, lovely, praiseworthy. It doesn't honor God, respect others, or further the Kingdom. 

But it is oh-so-tempting. I know, I fall prey to the temptation to gossip far more often than I'd like to admit. There are so many times I have to go back to my friends later and say, "I'm sorry. I was gossiping with you." "I drew you into talking badly about that person." "I shouldn't have told you that, that wasn't my business." 

It's not just detrimental to the person I'm talking about. By the grace of God I don't think much of my gossip has gotten back to people. My words change how I see people, and it changes how the people I'm talking to see people as well. 

Last year I had an experience that really showed me the true harm of gossiping. I was actually on the receiving end of the gossip, my friends didn't realize I was in the room, and their words and judgements were incredibly hurtful. I have to say, however, that despite this being an experience that brought many tears and great pain, I am so glad it happened. 

 

I had a moment where I thought to myself, "this is what it feels like." And then a massive realization, that's what I do to people. When I'm talking about people behind their backs, that's what I'm doing. I know what it feels like. I know the pain gossip causes, how can I do that to another person? 

But deeper than this realization is a question, why do we gossip? Why do I gossip?

Gossiping stems from so many things. 

One is not valuing people the way we should, not seeing them as image bearers of Christ. Everyone is made in the image of God, everyone is deeply, passionately loved by the Heavenly Father. It's a beautiful realization that completely changes one's perspective. If everyone is important, worthy, and loved, then how can we think and speak so poorly of people? 

I am no better, and no worse, than anyone else in the eyes of God. He loves everyone the same today, yesterday, and forever. My interaction with other humans should reflect this, I should love everyone because Christ loves me and loves them. 

Another cause of gossiping is jealousy. We put people down because we are insecure around them, jealous of them, their abilities or qualities make us feel inadequate. An example of this, particularly common in girls, I think, is judging and comparing to other girls' appearances, or putting down other girls based on their physical attributes. We do this to make ourselves feel better. If someone else has a bigger butt, worse hair, a bad sense of style, it makes us feel better about our own qualities we're insecure about. 

How silly of us! Does putting Jane Doe down really make me feel better? Maybe for a few, shallow seconds. And even if, on a surface level, it makes us feel better...there are deeper issues. 

This insecurity that plagues our thoughts and actions has a darker root. This insecurity lies in not trusting God, in God not being enough. 

I say this because it is a common theme of my own life. Constantly I find myself seeking to be enough, striving to be big and strong. I know God is enough. 

 

I trust God. But sometimes believing is different than knowing, and while I know factually that God is greater than any other, stronger and more loving and powerful than I can even begin to fathom, my heart doesn't believe it, my actions don't reflect my head knowledge. 

We gossip because we aren't letting God be bigger, stronger, or enough. It makes us feel better in a small, in-the-moment sort of way. Not trusting God is the root of our sins, and even deeper than that is the sin of trying to be our own God, because we don't believe God is enough. 

But as Christians we are called to find our strength and our salvation in Someone greater than ourselves. God is our strength, He is our song. 

When we are filled with Jesus, focusing all our attention on Him, the other things in life don't matter as much, until finally they don't matter at all. Romans 8:31 is the perfect reminder that God is for us. And if God is for us, who can be against us? We don't need to gossip when God is enough, when He is our strength. 

 

Recently, Psalms has been a huge encouragement to me. There are so many verses speaking the truth of God's strength, reminding us we are not alone and our refuge is in Him. He is our help, our comfort, our friend. When God is for us, who can be against us, "what can mortal man do to me?" Psalms 56:4 asks. Psalm 34 encourages us to pursue peace, and reminds us that the Lord will deliver us from all our troubles and fears as we rest in Him. 

Psalm 46:1-3 reads:

¹ God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging.

 

When our security is found in Him and we can see other people as He sees them, the way we interact with people changes from needing to prove and fulfill ourselves, to simply loving others.