Without You

I'm really happy today. It's been an absolutely fantastic day, and if you were to ask me why, there would be no really tangible or solid answer I could give you. Really, there are only two things I could say...

1. Jesus

and

2. Coffee

Here's what I've figured out. I used to think coffee (aka massive amounts of caffeine) made me always have a good day. But recently I've had coffee and not had good days. So here's the current conclusion:

Coffee amplifies whatever I'm feeling. Stressful day + caffeine = more stressed. Upset + coffee = more upset. Happy + coffee = fantastic day. Factor Jesus in there, and the day gets significantly better.

Yesterday I was challenged to pray about my weaknesses, ask God to reveal what I am failing at and sinning in, and then ask His help to fix it. I had a very difficult time with this task. In the past two weeks I've felt God has revealed many deep sins that I need to repent of and begin to focus on changing. Short summary: I'm selfish, self-centered, prideful, and gossip.

At Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ) last night we listened to someone talk about the story of the Lost Sons in Luke. I won't go into it too much, read Luke 15 if you want to know the story. But basically the two sons represent two ways we can sin against God, and the father in the story represents God (it's a parable). So one son essentially wishes the father was dead when he asks for his inheritance early (before the father has actually died). He takes the money and spends it on hookers, alcohol, partying, and maybe some drugs, who knows, use your imagination. The second son's sin is a bit more subtle. He's the son who stays at home and works hard, but the story reveals that he is as selfish and self-centered as the first son. His hard work is joyless. He doesn't do the father's will to please the father, because he loves the father, he does it so he can earn the inheritance he can't wait to receive when his father dies. The first son represents people who don't know God at all, aren't religious at all. The second son represents the people who are only religious, but have no relationship with God. They're just following the rules for their own glory and greedy ends.

I sat there trying so hard to identify with one of those sons. But I couldn't. I don't say that to sound like I've got it all together, like I have no problems or sins, not in the least. Those particular sins just didn't seem to pertain to where I am at this time. I felt/feel like God had already convicted me of my sins, weaknesses, and failures regarding selfishness and pride.

The story goes on. Both sons have really dishonored their father. They've both essentially slapped him in the face in their own ways. But each time the father forgives them, before they even apologize (and only the first son does). He goes out to meet them, right where they are in their sin. He doesn't wait for them to come to him, he goes to them. He takes them as they are.

I love that about God. He will always take us as we are. We don't have to dress or speak a certain way, our education or background is irrelevant to Him. He doesn't care who we are, what we've done, or where we've been. He loves us. And He just wants our love back in return.

God doesn't need us. He can do all things, so He doesn't need us to accomplish His goals or plans. The beautiful thing is that He wants us. And He wants us as we are. He'll take us in the midst of our pain, suffering, and brokenness and love us, and He wants us to love Him back. I just love hearing about that. It's such a beautiful reminder.

But here's the thing. God loves us that much, we should be telling everyone. That's what struck me last night. The guy speaking likened it to when he talks about his son. He loves his kid so much he can't help but smile every time he mentions his kid. That's how it should be when we talk about Jesus. We should just be so happy and joyful because of Him that we can't contain it. Yeah, there are reservations about forcing opinions or religion on people, but we are always sharing some sort of opinion. I do everytime I sit down to eat a meal and don't eat the meat. So we should stop worrying about what people will think and just be completely filled with joy at the mere thought of the beautiful Jesus who loves us no matter what, and loves us more than we can ever comprehend. It should be such an integral part of our lives that we can't separate Him from any of it.

That's what struck me last night. And I realized that's what I need to work on in my life. I mean I talk about Jesus a lot, but there are also many times when I choose not to mention Him. So I'm praying to be more joyful. To be joyful all the time. Because no matter what seemingly awful things happen in life, God is still King, and Jesus still loves me. Everything I do and say should in some way reflect Him. I don't want there to be any part of me that can be separated from Him, because He's the most important thing, He's the center of my life. He's all that matters.

I don't want there to ever be a me without Him.