A Confession

I must confess that in a world of wounds and war

I have contributed to division

In a world where people are wrapped up in their own pain and fear

I have allowed my own fear and anger to control me

putting up walls between myself and those I disagree with

those whose opinions anger me

sadden me

and make me fearful

I’m heartbroken by opinions and politics that propose great walls 

to keep out the immigrant, demonize the refugee

And yet I do the same

turning those with whom I disagree into an enemy

allowing perspectives and politics I deem as hateful

to stop me from seeing a fellow human being

It’s easier to create stories

than to listen

So I’ve written stories about those people

decided they are evil, racist, hateful

These stories are safer, easy

then I don’t have to see real, hurting people

I must confess that in a world divided by pain, fear, and loss

my words have not been invitational, my actions push away instead of draw near 

I want to rage

I want to scream

demonize the other

and not see a fellow hurting human

not pause long enough to acknowledge that pain renders us irrational

and perhaps we’re all just hurting too much to function clearly

I have to be honest that

I don’t want to listen

Don’t want to stop and hear the stories

Don’t want to ask questions

Don’t want to seek to understand

those it would be easier to simply hate

Because it is easier to keep “those people” “over there”

where I don’t have to know them

understand perspectives, sympathize with pain

If I choose to see brother instead of enemy

I suddenly must see the violence in my own heart

No longer can I blame and say “how dare they” 

I must confess that my heart does not always desire unity, and that I have not always pursued it

But my first step towards peace, is saying I’m Sorry

Tomorrow

When the rain falls
and worries slide
like drops down a windshield
sprinkled in drops
And the fears don't
feel so
overwhelming,
anymore
Falling clouds
help the fears
fall away
And maybe by tomorrow
even though the mud
hasn't dried
and sometimes my
hands still feel tied
I'll start to feel,
like clouds fading into day,
a little more 
okay

Walls

I am
     the only wall you will ever need

                                                    Stop hiding
                                                   Stop fighting
                             against the wrongs you have committed
                               things you wish could remain hidden 

Shame is just a mask
Guilt a hidden dagger
         stabbing you again and again
                   never letting you get better 

The beauty of grace 
is you don't have to be afraid
Mercy new every morning
I've taken your cloak of shame 

                                        You can hide behind me
                                    because grace is an ocean and 
                                   I've already stopped the storm

When everyone says, 
                               "be perfect"
My outstretched arms say, 
                               "I already am"

When you hide behind a wall
a construct of your own two hands 
You limit a grace that is greater

           Shut everyone out
                           box yourself in 

It's not about what you can do
             
                                         It's about what I've done  

I'm tearing down your walls 
because I'm the only one
you need