Day 22 - I'm the most humble.

Jesus exposes spiritual pride - Luke 20:20-47

Sometimes it's so hard to separate this world from God's world. All we know is earth, everything we know is in earthly terms, our perspectives are formed by what we know of this world, and God doesn't fit in that perception. God is not of this world, He cannot be defined by our understandings. That can make living for Him hard, it's a whole different way of thinking, a whole different mode of being, than what we or this world are characterized by. Often times, it doesn't make sense to people, who we are or why we've chosen the paths we're on. It can be complicated, difficult, even awkward at times (like explaining why you aren't concerned with future plans because "God will tell me what to do and when to do it," yeah, insurance agencies don't quite understand that one). We aren't to worry about how people view us, or what they think of us, our treasure is stored up in Heaven, where we will be like the angels, the children of God.

And as an extension of this, we are called to be humble, for God is the author of all things, and we are His children, the sheep of His pasture. What we wear, what we say, how long and elaborate our prayers are, how much we talk about our humility or how much money we donate, that's not how it works. We are to pray in private, give in secret, let God see our hearts and not boast about it. Our personality, knowledge, gifts, resources, these are all from God, so that we can boast in Him, our beautiful Father in Heaven.

QQQQQQuestions:

-In what areas do you strive to excel? In what ways can you seek to bring glory to God instead of yourself?

Everything. I am an success-driven person. Not necessarily in a "get to the top" kind of way, more that I hate failing, because I hate disappointing people, and I hate not being good enough. It's a problem I'm slowly working through, slowly being a key word there. But some of the biggest areas of striving to excel would be: school, art, and in my walk with Jesus. None of those are necessarily bad things, until they become ultimate things, until I'm so focused on not failing and doing a good job and that becomes the point, instead of simply doing my best, letting Jesus do the rest, and bringing glory to His beautiful name through my actions. I can get so caught up in wanting people to see me as being good enough, and that's what I focus on, so succeeding becomes an idol, failure my greatest fear, and at that point God has been so removed from the picture and I can find myself, yet again, on the me-centered throne of Katydom.

-Jesus brought religious pride into the spotlight as an example of what not to do. Why do you think that is?

The pharisees were the religious gurus of the time. They were the pastors, deacons, youth-group elders, whatever, they were the ones people looked up to as religious and wise. Everyone knew who they were, and everyone could see their pride when it was compared to the humility of others. Jesus knew people would be able to identify with that example, many people had probably had their fair share of feeling "not good enough" compared to the oh-so-holy pharisees of the time.

-How do you struggle with humility before God and others? Why should your attitude before God be a humble one?

Honestly I get to a point of pride with my faith far too often. I feel like I'm doing "so good" with Jesus and having just such a great relationship, living such a great life for Him, and then I realize that and start thinking about it and how great I am doing and it stops being about how awesome Jesus is and about how great I am. I want people to be impressed by me and my walk with Jesus, I want my prayers to be so heartfelt and full of joy in Jesus, I people to see that I have a loving heart, a passionate spirit, that I"m just so focused on God, but too often for my own glory rather than His. It's so, so easy to get caught up in that trap, to make my relationship with Jesus about how good I look instead of how awesome He is. And He is beyond awesome! My attitude should be utter humility because Jesus is so perfect and I am so perfectly flawed. He is so good and I am so drenched in sin and unrighteousness. I am so unworthy, yet still He loves me, yet still He sacrificed His life for me, yet still His blood poured out to wash away my dark stains of sin and shame. That is why I should be humbled before Him, because I do not deserve to be anywhere near Him, yet He welcomes me into His arms and calls me "friend," "daughter," and "beloved."

-How does Jesus model humility before God and others? How has His life influenced your desire to do the same?

Throughout Jesus' time on earth He was constantly giving all the glory to His Heavenly Father. Jesus gave God credit for His words, miracles, thoughts, and actions. Everything was the will of the Father. Jesus didn't take the credit. And Jesus was so servant-hearted. Here was God in the form of man on earth, the King of the universe! And He was serving, washing feet, healing the blind, preaching until His tongue was dry and His head heavy with exhaustion, yet He never stopped serving. It's like the song Humble King

"Cuz You are the God of the broken

The friend of the weak

You wash the feet of the weary

Embrace the ones in need

And I want to be like you Jesus

To have this heart in me

You are the God of the humble

You are the humble King"

I want to be humble, rid of my sin of pride, wholly focused and centered on living and loving for Jesus - no thought or care or worry of my own. 

Day 21 - Jesus is king.

Jesus enters Jerusalem - Luke 19:28-44

When I did The Thorn in April, this was my favorite scene - the Triumphal Entry. It was just so full of joy. We were shouting and praising, jumping up and down, frantically waving our palm branches back and forth. It was a taste of what it must have been like during the real event. I imagine the excitement one has at a concert, seeing a loved singer or musician, the excitement for Jesus' entry would have been exponentially greater. Even just acting it out, it was such a joyous scene. So much excitement, so much promise, so much hope, the happiness was infectious. 

But there's a confusing part of this scene in Jesus' life, too. See when Jesus said He was the King, the Messiah, the Savior - the people thought He was coming to conquer the Roman empire, overthrow it and establish His kingdom on earth. Jesus did come ton conquer, to conquer sin, and to establish His kingdom in people's hearts, to set their eyes on the true Kingdom of Heaven. So as the people praise Him, call Him "Lord," it is with a different praise in their heart than He deserved. This is why the pharisees rebuked Jesus, they knew He was calling Himself God and they didn't agree with that, but Jesus kindly reminds them that if His disciples and the people were silent, then the rocks themselves would cry out. 

Q&A:

-The people shout, "Hosanna!" which means "the Lord saves." What is it that you need the Lord to save you from?

Not being 100% totally, absolutely, utterly focused on Him with my life. I spend far too much time concerned with me, myself, and I, with my future, my interest, my feelings, my whatever. I need to be saved from narcissistically  putting me on the throne of life instead of daily recommitting my life to Jesus and putting Him in the center. And sin, of course. I think, too, getting caught in the trap of just asking forgiveness for sin, rather than truly repenting, which means not just saying "sorry," but also changing. Forgiveness is a request, repentance is an action.

-What is it that caused the people of Jerusalem to miss the point of who Jesus really was?

They weren't willing to see who Jesus truly was. They were so focused on who they thought Jesus should be and what they thought He should be doing that they were blind to what His purpose for the world truly was. 

-How can your heart sometimes mislead you to believe the wrong things about Jesus?

Seeing the world through me-glasses instead of Jesus-glasses results in a complete misconception of Jesus. And stubbornness, wanting Jesus' plan to be one thing and being blind to what He's truly saying. There has to be willingness and trust to believe the truth about Jesus, to relinquish self and focus on Him and His purposes, willingness to do whatever He asks, go wherever He says to go, say what He wants us to say. 

-Scripture tells us if there was no one to praise Jesus, the stones would cry out. How do you communicate to Jesus in prayer how wonderful and awesome He really is?

I think this is where we take the verses about being like children to heart. Jesus is so incredibly amazing, no words can truly express that. We should approach praising Jesus from a place of humility, no big fancy words or gestures, just simply praising, telling Him He is good, recognizing the wonderful things He has done in our lives, and using whatever talents we have been given to glorify Him - music, art, whatever. The key is not to keep silent, and to make praise about Jesus, not about us. It should be a time of joy and delight in our awesome Jesus.

Day 20 - Never give up, ever.

Jesus teaches us about persistent prayer - Luke 18:1-30

Jesus tells his disciples to never give up, never stop praying. He promises that He will bring justice for those who cry out day and night. Jesus emphasizes the importance of humbling ourselves before God, "for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." For only God is good, and if we think ourselves high and mighty, we will be humbled. Jesus emphasizes this when He talks to the rich man, reminding him that only God is good. We are to follow the commandments, and above all, give to the poor, for we are to help those who cannot help themselves, just as Jesus helped us. We are to keep our eyes on Jesus, never stop praying, and live a life dedicated and sacrificed to Jesus. 

Questions:

-What do you deeply want God to accomplish in your life?

I want God to change my heart to being fully focused on Him, to take away all the self-centered parts, to make me into the person He wants me to be, someone who cares about others above myself and loves freely, without restraint or second thoughts. Most deeply, I just want God to use me to make a difference in some shape or fashion.

But what I want most deeply is for God to heal my little brother and the strained relationships in my family. That's as in-depth with that prayer request as I'm going on the internet. I also have a number of friends and family members I (try to) pray for daily. 

-What does the widow represent to us as disciples of Jesus? What attributes were probably true of her that need to be true of your prayer life and approach to the Father?

She is persistent, she doesn't give up. She knows what she wants and she won't stop fighting for it - even if fighting just means begging for it. She's patient, too. Though she doesn't see the fruits of her labor, she continues working towards her goal. She doesn't stop just because she's being told "no" or lose hope. Now there is obviously a point when we should stop praying. If God is telling us "no" then that's the answer. We may not understand it, we may think what we're asking for is a good thing, but if God is saying "no" then it means we have a chance to see Him provide for us, it means He has a better thing for us. But we are to be persistent in our prayers, asking for things and continuing to go to God with our requests, even if we don't see results now, like praying for a sister, brother, or grandparent who doesn't know God. Years of prayer may not seem to be making a difference, but we shouldn't give up on them, or on the work God may be doing in their lives. 

-Never giving up takes discipline and consistency. In what ways do you struggle to build those things into your prayer life? Why do you think it is so hard to stay persistent in prayer?

It's just easy to give up when results aren't immediate or readily seen. Like this person I've been praying about for at least two years now. I go off and on remembering to pray daily for them, simply because I'm not seeing any results, any difference in their action or personality or how they communicate with me, and it is disheartening at times. It's easy to lose hope when results can't be seen, I'm the kind of person who wants results, and if I don't see them then what I'm doing clearly isn't working, so I move on to the next attempt. It can be hard to constantly ask, beg, plea for something and not see or hear anything. 

-Prayer is a powerful thing - it can move the heart of God. What would you ask God for if he told you the answer would be yes? What's keeping you from asking again and again?

I would ask for justice for those enslaved. I would ask that everyone in the world open their hearts to Jesus and know His love. And I'd ask for Alex to be healed. And I am asking for that last one, daily. But I think the other requests I balk from because they're so unreasonable and huge, because if God made every person love Him then there would be no free will, and because I don't think He'll do it, because often God lets us learn things ourselves, screw our world up massively, because that's how we learn. So maybe I don't ask because I doubt, not His ability, but that He will do it. I recently read a challenge to pray for the world everyday, though, even though that is a huge undertaking and seems unreasonable, irrational even. Because often that's what faith is - unreasonable and irrational. So I've actually been trying to pray for the world now, because that's God's heart - this world full of His children - and so it should be my heart too. 

-What do you have trouble believing God for?

The practical aspects of provision. I know and believe that God provides for our needs, I don't doubt that, but sometimes the actual feeling and seeing that provision is hard to believe in, because living by faith does seem so irrational and illogical in worldly terms. Sometimes I have trouble believing in that. 

-Who in your life models the persistence of the widow?

I'd say the closest would be Leanne Downing. I've never met someone so connected with the Spirit, so confident in Jesus and His provision for our lives. She really follows God's voice, and it's been very inspirational. 

Prayer is so important, so powerful. In the past months I've been thinking about prayer and its power more and more. God has shown me where my prayer has been very weak and self-focused, and I've been trying to pray in different ways - focusing on God and His kingdom vision, rather than my own, praying for my goals to align with His, praying about and for others rather than all about myself and my own spiritual growth. Prayer is something we can never stop growing in, we can never be "perfect prayers" - God is always teaching and growing us. It's our personal, direct contact with Jesus. He contacts back in many ways, different for every person and for every individual's personal walk with Jesus. I know I've personally heard Jesus talk to me a couple of times, and they remain some of my best, most wonderful memories, though they happened in times of pain and sorrow, because Jesus became so real for me, I felt Him and His voice and His love and His comfort so clearly and strongly, and that was through prayer. We can't get enough of prayer, we should never settle into the lie that we needn't persist. Jesus persists in pursuing us, and we should persist in pursuing Him.

Day 19 - My roommate is a punk.

Jesus teaches us about forgiving others - Luke 17:1-10

So I really like what this study has to say for this day:

"When someone sins against you, Jesus says, even if that person is a repeat offender, you must forgive him or her. Why? Because we are all repeat offenders, and God continues to forgive us. Therefore, we must do the same.

Forgiving others has nothing to do with earning merit with God. It has everything to do with continuing the pattern God sets for us. As Jesus has taught and proclaimed the kingdom of God, whatever else we may know about life in the kingdom, we know this: the very atmosphere is one of continual grace and forgiveness, freely received and given."

Questioning and Contemplating:

-Often our own struggle with certain sins yields impatience with others struggling with the same sin. What is it you find hardest to give grace to? Receive grace for?

I find it hardest to give grace to people who are really self-centered, who talk about themselves all the time, complain a lot, and don't have regard for other people's feelings, thoughts, or interests. I really hope that's not a reflection on me, but there's a good chance it is. I know I can be characterized by complaining often, which is something I've felt convicted of, as well as spending far more time thinking and talking and being interested in myself than I should.
I think what I find it hardest to receive grace for is failure and doubt. When I find myself stressed or struggling to trust God's provision, I beat myself up about it. I know that God will provide, but sometimes my head takes over my heart and tries to be reasonable in areas where only faith will do. And I get frustrated with myself and rather than taking it to God and admitting I'm struggling, I tell myself I shouldn't be feeling that way, I know God will provide, and try to trust in my own strength, rather than giving my inability to trust to Him and allowing God to change my heart and make me utterly dependent upon Him. That was an especially big struggle this past week.

-Causing others to sin seems to be an even greater offense than the sin itself. Why?

Maybe because we can take accountability for our own sin. If we sin, we suffer the repercussions, we are the ones who must confess and repent, but if we cause someone else to sin, then they must be punished for it too. It's like if I choose to smoke, then I'm knowingly putting myself at risk. But if I choose to smoke around someone else, then I'm putting them at risk as well. And if I get my little sister addicted to cigarettes too, then she's also at risk and harming everyone she smokes around. It's a chain effect.

-In what ways does Satan cause you to stumble and sin? What are some ways you may have caused others to sin and need to be asked for forgiveness?

Satan feeds my pride, making things about me instead of about God. Even when I'm "doing good" with God, it becomes about me and how good my walk with God is, instead of how awesome His grace in my life is, how wonderful His love and provision and forgiveness are. Satan tells me I'm not good enough. He tells me I'm not wanted, that no one needs me, that I'm failing God and then tries to make me do it in my own strength (pride again!) instead of leaning on Jesus. And when I'm tempted to gossip, Satan whispers in my ear that it's okay to talk about that person, complain about that incident, because I need to talk about it, gotta get it off my chest - and then I draw whoever I"m talking to into it as well.

-What does this passage communicate to us about Jesus?

That He does not tolerate sin, but also that He eternally forgives us. Also that faith is required to forgive and be forgiven, and that faith only comes from Him. He is a good God, but He is also just and straightforward - sinning is not okay. Causing others to sin is not okay. And we must forgive others their sin, just as He has forgiven us. No one is better than the other, we can't think we're better because we've been forgiven and redeemed and thus are "too high and mighty" to forgive others. We all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, we are all on the same level of being lost, helpless, and drowning in sin and only God can save us and forgive us.

Day 18 - Lost trucks.

Jesus teaches about the Father's heart - Luke 15

And the angels rejoice at the repentance of one sinner, the salvation of one soul. That's how much we're valued. There is rejoicing when one of us is saved. I think that's pretty great, it makes me feel good at any rate, knowing that God cares about me that much. No matter how worthless I feel, I'm still important in God's eyes. 

Digging and Delving:

-Who do you care about enough to go after?

My initial response: everyone! But then I thought for a moment. Who am I really going after? Who am I pursuing? If I believe in Jesus so firmly, why am I not "going after" more of my friends and family to tell them about their beautiful Savior? Perhaps I'm not caring enough. I can't force anyone to believe anything, but I can be more loving, more serving, and "go after" the people I say I care about. Actions speak louder than words, maybe my actions are merely whispering now. 

-What is the heart issue Jesus is trying to identify here?

He's identifying the common doubt in His care, His love, and our own value. But He's also identifying our pride. Like with the elder son in the Parable of the Lost Son, the elder son is angry at the Father's joy over the lost son's return, but Jesus says, "it doesn't matter what you've done, who you've been, or where you've gone, you are mine, and I love you, no matter what." God's love isn't some special privilege we've somehow done enough to earn, it's a free gift we are utterly undeserving of, and we cannot forget that. 

-Is there any nuance of difference among the three different stories?

There are some differences. The Parable of the Lost Sheep emphasizes rejoicing more over one sinner who repents than 99 righteous people who don't need to repent, because they haven't been lost.  

The Parable of the Lost Coin reminds us that God has lots of other "coins" (people who have accepted His love and are no longer lost), but He still wants to find all of His lost children, and He searches carefully for us, rejoicing at every coin He finds.  

The Parable of the Lost Son really emphasizes the joy and forgiveness God shows us, despite what we've done. The lost son betrays his father. By asking for the inheritance before his father dies, he's essentially saying, "I wish you were dead." 

Despite this great dishonor and insult, the father still gives the son what he wants and lets him go his own way. The son makes bad decision after bad decision, and eventually realizes how much he's screwed up. He goes back to his father and doesn't even ask for forgiveness, maybe he's still too proud, but instead he asks to be one of the servants, just so he can have food and a place to stay. 

But the father won't have any of that. He gives the son clothes, and not just that, but the nicest clothes, his own robe. The father has a party and kills the fattened calf, much to the chagrin of the elders son, the self-righteous one who has always "done everything right" but without joy (which is a whole nother topic in and of itself). 

The father is just so happy, so full of joy that his lost son is found. The insults and disrespect are forgiven and forgotten, the son is home. 

-Spending time with sinners meant Jesus was speaking words of truth tho them. They wanted to listen. What keeps you from speaking truth to those around you who need to hear it?

Fear. Fear that they won't want to hear it and will cease to be in contact with me. Fear of pushing people away by coming across as judgmental or hypocritical. Fear of scaring people away from Christianity rather than bringing them closer to Jesus. Fear of failing. Fear of saying the wrong thing. Fear people won't want to hear about Jesus. Fear people will judge me. It's all fear. Some founded, some not. And that fear needs to become trust, trust that God will give me the words to say and the times to say it. Willingness to get out of my comfort zone and say what He wants me to say, do what He wants me to do, and go where He wants me to go. I need to change, give up my fear, it's a slow process, but I think God is slowly changing me. 

-There was no shortage of people coming to Jesus looking for forgiveness. Why were these people successful in getting an audience?

Because they wanted one. They wanted to speak to Jesus, they were seeking His forgiveness, repenting of their sins. Jesus wants us, He finds us, and if we're seeking Him, He's always there. 

-What is it about repentant sinners that causes all heaven to rejoice?

Because it means people who were enslaved to sin, trapped by Satan's lies, and bound in the enticing addiction of sin have recognized their enslavement and desire to be free. It means that someone has opened their hearts to Jesus and want to know Him. It means that a lost sheep, coin, son, and child has been found. Like we rejoice when we find something lost, Jesus rejoices at the finding of His children.  

Paper Crown

Two days flew by, and not a thought had been given to my routine study of Luke. Meetings, homework, studying for exams, and, let's face it, fun with friends, had taken over, scooping me up in a whirlwind of events and general business, completely removing my focus from what was once the most important and looked-forward-to part of my day.

What happened?

It was Saturday night or (very early) Sunday morning when I realized I hadn't done my Bible study or blogged about it in two days. So I made a quick excuse to cover my tracks (probably the post right below this one...) and continued studying. Brushing the most important thing - God - from my mind and saying to myself, "I really have to study for this biology exam, and God understands."

And while studying for my biology exam was quite important, I should never have put it above God. Even if I didn't have half an hour to blog, I should still have taken time to be in God's presence, pray, and fellowship with Him. I put God on the backburner, and for that, I am sorry.

But it wasn't just this weekend, the whole past week has been off. I couldn't pinpoint it, but I just felt a little off-balance, like I was standing in Tree Pose in yoga class with my eyes closed, wobbling side to side, arms awkwardly stiff in the air and trying to regain composure.

See, ever since the Thorn I've been on such a Jesus high. Every morning I've woken up just so full of joy because Jesus is beyond awesome. I've been so filled with awe at His great love for us, and I completely believe that joy and awe was given to me straight from God, He has allowed me to be full of delight in Him. Even when little bad things happened or a day was just mediocre in terms of events and difficulty, it was still an awesome day, because Jesus just rocks.

I guess I started to feel pretty good about that. I was doing good with God. I was happy, full of joy in Him, passionate and alive and so ready to do His will. And then this week I just didn't feel quite up to par. I was tired, busy, minorly stressed, and getting a cold (sniffles and sneezes, ew). So I got frustrated with myself. When I woke up and started thinking about me, myself, and I instead of Jesus, I gave myself a little pinch, snapped the proverbial rubber band on my wrist, and tried to direct my thoughts to being more God-focused.

But the moment it starts becoming about you instead of God, it becomes even more about you. So I tried to think more about God and just be happy in Jesus like I had been, and the more I tried the more I failed, and the more frustrated I became with myself. I had been doing so well! Why couldn't I just be the good, happy, Jesus-centered, passionate person I seemed to be last week?

And then, over the weekend, I began to understand, I was beginning to lean on my own strength, hold myself up high, instead of leaning on Jesus. I was happy, I was passionate, I was delighting in Jesus, I, I, I. I wasn't giving everything up to Jesus anymore.

Life had been feeling so easy, I was flying along at a high of 75, and I had stopped giving everything to Him, stopped relying on Him. I was making it about me, how good I was, instead of how good He is. 

And that realization was freeing. Letting go again, begging forgiveness for my self-centered actions and mentality, for making my walk with Jesus about how good I looked instead of glorifying Him. And I confessed my pride, again, and once again, dear Jesus forgave me.

It's amazing how He does that, always forgiving.

No matter how many times I put myself back on the throne of my life, make the world in my mind revolve around little ol' me, He let's me do it until I get so dizzy from the self-centered revolving that I fall off that silly chair. Crashing to the ground, my paper crown of selfishness and pride crumples. Jesus picks it up, smooths it out, folds it up, and puts it in His pocket, I'm forgiven and free once more. He picks me up and rights the chair. With a hug and a kiss on the forehead, like any good father gives a fallen child, He says, "it's okay, I still love you, I always have." And the chair becomes His throne, the center once more.

Oops.

I realized this morning that I haven't blogged about Luke in two days. I just completely forgot. It's been a crazy-busy weekend, with tons of midterm-studying left. I will be starting back up tomorrow!